Open (More or Less) Post on Covid 156

[ecosophia]

This post concludes the third year of these open posts. As the phrase "died suddenly" repeats in the mass media like a mantra, statistics for work days lost to illness and all-cause mortality mount up in heavily vaccinated nations, and more and more ugly facts about the official response to Covid spill out into public, we are entering what may well turn out to be the most difficult period of the Covid disaster -- the phase in which denial rises in lockstep with the death rate, and a great many people try not to admit what has been done to them by the people and institutions they trusted. It could get ugly, folks.

So it's time for another open post. The rules are the same as before: 

1. If you plan on parroting the party line of the medical industry and its paid shills, please go away. This is a place for people to talk openly, honestly, and freely about their concerns that the party line in question is dangerously flawed and that actions being pushed by the medical industry et al. are causing injury and death. It is not a place for you to dismiss those concerns. Anyone who wants to hear the official story and the arguments in favor of it can find those on hundreds of thousands of websites.

2. If you plan on insisting that the current situation is the result of a deliberate plot by some villainous group of people or other, please go away. There are tens of thousands of websites currently rehashing various conspiracy theories about the Covid-19 outbreak and the vaccines. This is not one of them. What we're exploring is the likelihood that what's going on is the product of the same arrogance, incompetence, and corruption that the medical industry and its tame politicians have displayed so abundantly in recent decades. That possibility deserves a space of its own for discussion, and that's what we're doing here. 
 
3. If you plan on using rent-a-troll derailing or disruption tactics, please go away. I'm quite familiar with the standard tactics used by troll farms to disrupt online forums, and am ready, willing, and able -- and in fact quite eager -- to ban people permanently for engaging in them here. Oh, and I also lurk on other Covid-19 vaccine skeptic blogs, so I'm likely to notice when the same posts are showing up on more than one venue. 

4. If you don't believe in treating people with common courtesy, please go away. I have, and enforce, a strict courtesy policy on my blogs and online forums, and this is no exception. The sort of schoolyard bullying that takes place on so many other internet forums will get you deleted and banned here. Also, please don't drag in current quarrels about sex, race, religions, etc. No, I don't care if you disagree with that: my journal, my rules. 

With that said, the floor is open for discussion.

Comments

Czech data

[transcriberb]

Oops, sorry, JMG, I left a comment on Magic Monday (after the deadline), not realizing that I was posting on Magic Monday; I had thought I was posting on the covid forum.

My comment was about Steve Kirsch's posts on the Czech data-- that, speaking of shoes about to drop, this looks to me like a one big hobnailed boot dropped.

His latest post on the Czech data:

"A closer look at the Czech Republic data confirms the mRNA vaccines are too deadly to be used
Several people have replicated my work and agree with me. I'll list here the new attacks and why they all fail to explain the data so you can decide for yourself who to believe."
Steve Kirsch, Jul 30, 2024
https://kirschsubstack.com/p/a-closer-look-at-the-czech-data-confirms

Re: Czech data

[stubborn_ass]

At this point, if a normie hasn't developed a gut instinct that the jab is bad, he won't change his mind, even if everyone around him 'died suddenly'. So I feel that the focus on that type of 'data' is a bit of a misplaced effort. Whereas the studies, like the ones from S Korea, combing through a large-scale database with a few millions of jabbed folks showing a noted increase in neuro issues - those are much more useful and can't be disputed, while confirming the anec-data observations that we had been making for a while. When placed in context next to the large scale studies of the Dutch and German health databases showing a marked increase in clinic visits for 'mental' issues after the jab rollout, one can then make the statement that many people are slowly losing their minds, and it's not hyperbole. Many such people can rely on a lifetime ot habit to cover up for cognitive shortfall for period of time, heck they can still be smooth talkers yakking basically nonsense for a living, so no way, no how, can they process truly 'new' info that the jab is making them sicker and even more brain-dead.

As for Steve Kirsch himself... he just had the issue of going blind in 1 eye, yah? Detached retinas, double vision and other ocular abnomalies is dirt common for the shot. I had a friend who had the double vision issue soon after his 1st jab (and was still not granted permission to be exempt from further shots), and it took like the 3rd or 4th ophthalmologist to admit that it was jab-related. Google censorship was not so severe at the start and I could show my friend that there were tons of forums with folks complaining about the same exact issue as him... one forum had a rough count of 2K unique posters recounting their 'experience'..

The spike attacks and degrades the myelin sheath... which protects the brain connection to the eyes/ears/central nervous system etc. Just by coincidence, my wife attended a high school reunion last night, most folks she hasn't seen in over 30 years... and one lady had a very expensive hearing aid that she was frantic in looking for after it dropped somewhere. When I related that to my group, it was mentioned that someone's young sister had friend who insisted on staying 'up to date' on her boosters before a trip, and promptly lost her hearing and couldn't travel after that.

Anyways, while I haven't read Kirsch posts in over a year, I don't recall him ever talking about doing any proper detox protocols, especially since he's taken 2 shots. That implies the damage, while not obvious at first, may still be building and building. After all these time, he can't be in denial about the toxicity of the shots, so why did it not occur to him to 'play safe' and detox properly while maintaining vigilance against shedding? Not trying to attack the messenger per se, just think his energies are quite mis-focused. I saw that the first thing he did was to fly to see an eye doctor elsewhere in Cali. Hmm... plane = enclosed environment = high shedding load with recycled air. Another aside is that with so much info that has come out about how many compromised doctors in both the regulatory agencies and lower levels were aiding and abetting the jab rollouts, despite unprecedented level of obvious vex injuries, why is he still instinctively trusting his 'doctor'? There's too many little red flags that make me a bit uneasy with him.

[(Anonymous)]

The meme really makes me wonder what bat flu looks like under a microscope! I bet the profits were further magnified!

Good one.

Eagle Fang Warrior 5000

[vitranc]

No; No, no, no.
The profits get zoomed out, that’s how you can fit more on the screen.

Other shoes to drop...

[(Anonymous)]

You've said you were expecting "other shoes to drop first". Are you referring to the real-estate economy in the USA?

Re: Other shoes to drop...

[(Anonymous)]

Didn't you read JMG's post about the shoe store he recently started in Rhode Island? :)

[(Anonymous)]

(//Neaj-...)

OCD

[(Anonymous)]

Hello JMG, please feel free to delete if off topic - this is tangentially related to health issues caused by the pandemic.

My husband and I are currently working through his anxiety disorder which got much, much worse during COVID. We're at the fun stage where he is anxious about the anxiety itself... and I recently read that autism + ADHD + OCD are now considered to be "correlated" per current disease definition. Autism is definitely part of my husband's makeup, and looking back on the patterns of how the anxiety presents in him, there is some obsessive and repetitive behavior that I can identify. Just another part of the nasty tapestry, sigh.

So my question to the group here - what are some things I might be able to help him do, if OCD is indeed part of what's going on here, that wouldn't be in the wheelhouse of Western medicine? Not asking for medical advice et. etc. Any thoughts or personal experiences would be welcome.

Re: OCD

[(Anonymous)]

NAC might be worth a look: https://searx.be/search?q=nac%20autism

No subject

[(Anonymous)]

Hello JMG and forumistas,

First off, I'd like to say a heartfelt thanks to everyone who has written on here over the past 3 years. So much important information and support!

We are currently experiencing our 2nd round of cooties and so many suggestions of what to do have bubbled up from somewhere in my memory. It's almost overwhelming as I feel like I'm throwing the entire kitchen sink at my family (husband, visiting sister from Bay Area, 7 year old son).

I was wondering if anyone had experience with restoring sense of taste and smell? That seems to be my problem after bad colds, starting with one in 1990. I did inhale from some peppermint sprigs in the garden, which was helpful. One side is more affected than the other.

My husband and sister, both foxxed, are having it a little worse that I am (unfoxxed), persistent headache and coughing. I'll look up FLCCC at some point for current protocol. We've been taking white pine tea with ginger and birch polypore.

And do any New Hampshirites know if you really can get Vit I over the counter in that state?

One ingredient we've been imbibing is this deliciously sweet spring water from Buckfield, ME, Cooper Springs. Supposedly it's one of the best in the state, passing between/thru? touramline and crystal mines. It's on Find a Spring and if anyone is in Western ME, check it out!

It's interesting how attitudes, even in good Bay Area, CA, have relaxed since the beginning. While Sis dutifully tested, she never once asked for a mask to wear anywhere and we have been in stores, etc. She did ask for one for the plane, though.

We're getting through it and on my to-do list is to hit up the hipster fermentation store for some natto. And it's made us start up the bioplasma again.

Hope everyone is getting through the summer okay and I'll echo what Scotlyn always says, "be well, stay free!"

Ellen in ME

Re: No subject

[stubborn_ass]

Use lactoferrin and benadryl (before sleep as it can make someone quite drowsy)... helps to quickly restore taste/smell in 80% of folks so far. Simple OTC remedies. Each has some effect on its own, but the combo is more effective. That's assuming that the spikes in the body from the infection has already been mopped up..

Bird Flu Qualifies for Emergency Use Authorization Exclusion from Safety Studies?

[(Anonymous)]

I read something which said EUA was already in place, but this July 27 article says it is only "may be" approved.
https://www.precisionvaccinations.com/2024/07/27/bird-flu-vaccines-may-obtain-emergency-use-authorization

But one day ago we get some more definite approval. Well, definite PRE-approval, let's say.
https://www.aha.org/news/headline/2024-07-23-hhs-broadens-emergency-declaration-facilitate-response-bird-flu-other-viruses-pandemic-potential. Well, that sounds pretty definite.

What the hell is going on?

How do these guys know it is worthwhile risking the health and lives of hundreds of millions with an untested medical gene therapy, where there is no pandemic, so there is no emergency, and there couldn't possibly be a shred of reliable safety data?

Or is this now just going to now be a new-normal election year thingie?

Or is there now evidence that getting overVexed lowers the Intelligence Quotient and Emotional Intelligence Quotient sufficiently to save "Our Democracy"?

Re: Bird Flu Qualifies for Emergency Use Authorization Exclusion from Safety Studies?

[(Anonymous)]

First you have to define "worthwhile". Drug approval is undoubtably "worthwhile" for drug makers' profits. If you begin with a simple premise such as that there are too many people on the planet or that thoughtless obedience is always an inherent good, you can easily argue that concentration camps or color revolutions are "worthwhile", let alone a tiny little RNA cocktail.

— Christophe

School which VEXED a Child Against Parents Explicit Wishes is Exempt from Any Consequence

[(Anonymous)]

https://www.zerohedge.com/covid-19/school-gave-child-covid-19-vaccine-against-parents-wishes-immune-lawsuits-court

Just don't get too invested in that "Land of the Free and Home of the Brave" stuff. It was always just a joke to keep the proles in line.

Re: School which VEXED a Child Against Parents Explicit Wishes is Exempt from Any Consequence

[(Anonymous)]

"It was always just a joke to keep the proles in line."

And it works.

~Wolf

Five Countries to Test European Vaccination Card

[(Anonymous)]

Belgium, Germany, Greece, Latvia and Portugal will test the new vaccination card in a variety of formats, including printed cards, mailed copies and digital versions for smartphones. Critics called it a “direct threat to freedom.”

https://childrenshealthdefense.org/defender/five-countries-test-european-vaccination-card/?utm_source=luminate&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=defender&utm_id=20240730

So I guess it isn't over...

Blood cancers increasing?

[(Anonymous)]

I now know 3 people in my very small circle of local acquaintances who have developed blood cancer. One is an 11-year-old girl, the second a man in his low 40s, and the third a woman in her 60s. All are people I would absolutely expect to have been vexxed. Anyone else seeing an uptick like this?

Viridian Nocturnal Platypus

Re: Blood cancers increasing?

[stubborn_ass]

https://x.com/toobaffled/status/1817412102740721842

Emmy Award winning FOX 4 Morning Reporter Matt Stewart announces he has Cancer ...his wife had developed blood cancer a few months after her jabs in 2021 and seems to be undergoing constant chemo.

I don't really keep track, but recently I've seen a plethora of relatively young couples, getting turbo cancer and passing quickly while leaving young kids, asking for donations. Any MSM reporting still avoids the elephant in the room.

Welcome to the new normal.

[(Anonymous)]

Hey there!

I need some help with question / conversation framing. My father-in-law had a heart transplant a few weeks ago and is expected to leave the hospital within the next couple weeks. There is a meeting on Friday with the medical folks to discuss the transition of him to home.

We have heard rumor that the medical folks are pushing for all the people helping my father-in-law at home to be "up to date on all their shots". Thus far that was only one conversation with the social worker and my father-in-law. For context, he is at a hospital in Boston, MA. My wife and I are not COVID foxed and plan to stay that way. My wife wants to be helpful to her parents but is worried that she will not be allowed.

So, how would you frame questions or the conversation to call out the flawed thinking without blowing up relationships?

Funny aside, he was exposed to COVID last Sunday from a vaccinated person who tested negative :D

Thanks!

[(Anonymous)]

Tell any nosey parkers to sod off and mind their own business and if they insist on pushing it then ask them to justify themselves, “why are YOU promoting the uptake of a provably ineffective and dangerous pharmaceutical product?”

The ‘be nice, reasonable and ultimately amenable’ boat has long sailed. As the country song puts it “you gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything”. So take a stand for what’s right; be bold, be forthright, be fearless. If they choose to succumb to their fear then that’s their choice, but don’t you succumb or bend to their demons.

Mr James

[(Anonymous)]

The NHS is doomed. Why would any Brit trust the NHS when the NHS is complicit in covering up the truth about the covid vaccines? Their own coverup is a far better argument to dismantle the NHS than anything the Conservative Party came up with in the last 45 years.

[(Anonymous)]

I guess it looks like wherever you go in the West, 10-20 years from now, if you need a hospital, you can just go boil your head?

[(Anonymous)]

Hacking of EudraVigilance data reveals massive coverup of vaccine injuries in the Netherlands

https://expose-news.com/2024/07/30/hacking-of-eudravigilance-data-reveals/

[fredsmith11]

Looking at the graphs in the article for the no of deaths in The Netherlands from mid 2020 on, the excess is actually quite small, given deaths there were trending up well before COVID.

The excess deaths look to be a long way below every other heavily vaxxed country (suspicious?). Eyeballing the graph, the excess death rate looks to be below 10%, whereas other EU countries were running high teens, or even above 20% shortly after the vax rollout.

The 590,000 deaths they use in the headline is misleading and doesn't apply to vax deaths according to the deaths graph.

[(Anonymous)]

Fake Doctor Selling Unproven COVID-19 Cure is Sentenced to 36 Months

https://www.justice.gov/usao-ut/pr/fake-doctor-selling-unproven-covid-19-cure-sentenced-36-months

[(Anonymous)]

BREAKING: The secret vaccine purchase agreement that South Africa signed with pfizer has been released.

Unknown efficacy
Unknown adverse events
Unknown long term effects

Leaders around the world recklessly turned their citizens into lab-rats by signing this garbage.

The whole plandemic was a scam.

https://nitter.poast.org/_APWK_/status/1817899016648032434#m

document link:

https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/23941524-south-africa-pfizer-contract

i thought this came out awhile ago, but it is going around again now

Enlarged prostate

[stubborn_ass]

While discussing the issue of hearing loss after the jabs (mentioned in more detail elsewhere in this week's thread), someone showed a screenshot of a message from a urologist friend - who is seeing 'many young men come in with enlarged prostate below 25 years old'. Yet another issue that was unheard of pre-jab.

For older men who develop such an issue, you don't need to be a genius to guess what may help to 'relieve' the situation.... yup, VIM to the rescue again.

Double dose (0.4mg per kg) for 14-21 days seems to get the prostate back to normal size. High probability guess that it should also work for the young men experiencing said issue.

I had done the research over 2 years ago to help someone's elderly father (unvexed) with this particular issue.. it worked, and this remedy nugget had been filed away in my brain's recesses till now. Didn't expect to use it again, but if the urologist can make such a statement, it means there's a lot of young men everywhere that could use the help now, hence I decided to share this.

Re: Enlarged prostate

[kulja]

Good. Now if only we knew what VIM stood for.

[(Anonymous)]

School can't be sued after child received COVID vax against parents' wishes, court rules

https://thenationaldesk.com/news/americas-news-now/school-cant-be-sued-after-child-received-covid-vax-against-parents-wishes-court-rules-vermont-windham-southeast-school-district-pfizer-vaccination-covid-19-pandemic-health-crisis-in-the-classroom

[(Anonymous)]

there's gotta be a way around that, maybe some new ruling will come down the pipes,

[(Anonymous)]

Breaking....HUGE!!!!....Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals reversed a lower court's ruling dismissing a case against an employer over denying an employee's religious claims relating to the mandate, stating...“An employee may object to an employer's vaccine mandate on both religious and non-religious grounds—for example, on the view that receiving the vaccine would violate a religious belief and implicate health and safety concerns. Congress permitted this, as we see no other way to give effect to the breadth of its definition of “religion”—as covering “all aspects” of an employee's religious observance, practice, and belief.”

"and implicate health and safety concerns" - That's a BIG STATEMENT by an appellate court.

Megan PASSARELLA and Sandra Dottenwhy, Plaintiffs-Appellants, v. ASPIRUS, INC., Defendant-Appellee.

https://nitter.poast.org/GodsRiddles/status/1818310125787963713#m

[(Anonymous)]

European Vaccination Card will be piloted in five countries

EUVABECO

July 22nd, 2024
EUVABECO

‘A European Vaccination Card will enable informed vaccination, according to experts working on the EUVABECO project. Latvia, Greece, Belgium, Germany and Portugal will pilot the new tool from September.’

https://www.vaccinestoday.eu/stories/european-vaccination-card-will-be-piloted-in-five-countries/

[(Anonymous)]

I suspect that one of the goals of covid was to bring in a mandatory adult vaccination scheme, using the covid vax and the vaccine passports as a foot in the door. Many countries purchased ten doses of the vaccine per head of population. I'm guessing they were serious about making everyone take all ten doses. The vaccine passports and mandates were only lifted because it became blindingly obvious that the vax didn't work. Otherwise, they might have been in place for years.

[(Anonymous)]

Anthony Fauci Worries About the Next Pandemic—But Worries More About Democracy

https://www.wired.com/story/anthony-fauci-interview-q-and-a-july-2024-trump-harris/

Might bring you out in a rash
but don't worry he's all about helping people. His book's called 'On Call: A Doctor’s Journey in Public Service'.
Let's hear it for Fauci

[(Anonymous)]

Let's not forget the inspiring Fauci quote, which should stand for all time as a benchmark for selfless humanitarianism:

'Caring for people is in my DNA, I can't help it!'

Getting "justice"

[(Anonymous)]

If you ever read Mario Puzo's The Godfather (read the book, it is way better than the movies) that is the most satisfying thing about the story. Yes Don Corleone is a ruthless mafia leader, but for people who are "friends" to him, justice is done every time. Rich white boys who get away with abusing young girls because the courts let them are beaten to a pulp when Don Corleone takes a hand. The trick of course, is to remain his "friend." And to hope that he remains relatively uncorrupt in his own kingdom.

Yes, I think that is where we are headed... it won't be fun getting there.

Re: Getting "justice"

[(Anonymous)]

Choose wisely where one lives, and, if things change, be willing and able to pick up and move to another place that one chooses wisely. That's how I see it. The future is a freaky strange place.

interesting new book

[ecosophia]

I've recently run across discussion of a new book, Shepherds for Sale by Megan Basham, alleging that the Evangelical churches have been targeted for some years now by a well-funded effort to move their doctrines to the left. One of the things that Basham claims is that this is among the core reasons why so many churches and church officials knuckled under to the Covid hysteria and didn't protest when state governments in the US shut them down during the lockdown period.

I'm curious whether anybody is familiar with the book or the author. If she's right, it would certainly explain a few things.

Re: interesting new book

[(Anonymous)]

I read her first book from 2008 called Beside Every Successful Man : A Woman's Guide to Having it All. She basically applied feminism to stay at home moms. Ambitious women apply their talents to helping their husbands so everyone in a family benefits. I still I remember it after 15 years.

I've also read some of her recent articles for the Telegraph and her reports for the Daily Wire. I think her work is well sourced and her perspective is interesting. She recently won a Christian award for "fearless and faithful" reporting."

I expect her new book to be fascinating. It should delve deeply into contemporary American conservative evangelical culture. That is not everyone's cup of tea though.

Heloise

erika update

[(Anonymous)]

so yesterday i was against the wall and didn't even know we'd had a mandatory settlement hearing at court until two days before and trial set for 5 august, and i settled because i had absolutely no limbs to stand on... i was NOT the pretty one in the room.

so i settled and i'm here until want to leave. only thing is i'm on 2 years probation if simone gets me to fail at this restraining order i'm out. but i've got my lawyer so i took it. they wouldn't truly entertain a buy-out. i didn't understand why.

i was read to leave Mordor... oh was i! but san francisco is not done with me, yet.

i'm going to try and get out of here for a couple of months, though.

i'm surrounded by monsters whores murderers and liars here. even my old friend i haven't seen in a decade came down from santa rosa and said what Temporary Reality did: "this isn't the city you remember. get out now. it's BAD." they can feel it. everyone can.

i'm economically trapped but am trying to plan a vision on getting out of here on my own as i heal my heart my mind soul and knee.

i don't know why they wouldn't do a buy out. my lawyer wasn't asking for much and i hated that. but she's logical and did a survey of buyouts nearby, and i had no leverage as i was on the hook for being evicted.

all the evidence i had was throw-out-able she told me. each court works differently on how evidence is determined.

i'm glad that i don't HAVE to move in a hurry because after 30 years there's a lot of stuff between James and me, but i don't get why all this trauma only to end up where i started only WORSE because James had to suffer as he died and i got a brutal thrashing from which i will never recover.

(i am terrified of answering the door casually for fear of the cops being called for no reason, or i might get suddenly served for something i didn't know i'd done)

i write all this here in open covid post because it's related to covid because that cracked my world view to bits and it IS devouring mother, left brain/right brain, it is herd thinking gone awry, it is dying hippocampii, it's ALL that...

but THEN WHAT???

that's what my job is. we each have our corner to man or woman, and mine is to put my naked bare hand in first and see if a bloody stump comes back or if i should push down deep and further on.

YOU HAVE TO HAVE BEEN ABUSED TO HANDLE THESE PAST 4 MONTHS I'VE BEEN THROUGH, on top of James' 8 mos of insta-cancer.

so i'm calling on The Abused to channel their talents and abilities so that the rest of us can learn how to elaborate on the basics we've learned. (Christophe's already doing this)

you'll talk like you're channeling as he is. i can read him tapping into that higher knowledge and voice that keeps us going in the bleakest of times.

i used to do that. i'd be astounded and surprised at what'd come out of my own mind but now i'm lost shocked confused oblivious and bleary-eyed. only thing that keeps me on the straight away is multiple numbers appearing here and at home as well as my coven, and the PRAYERS here (thank you, Quinn/tunesmyth), and Kimberly's Ogham reading when i couldn't even FEEL my way.

i am addicted to blowing things up when i'm confused and i had to CHILL.

i still don't know WHY or HOW they'd let me stay. it's almost like they'd changed their mind. i asked for a buy out offer and they did two of the three parts and left out the amount and they never made a full counter offer so pressed by my lawyer i asked for the "stay here" one because i cannot be rushed. i feel vulnerable with a hurt knee.

thank you each here. i wouldn't have been able to avoid more jail time if it weren't for this place, Papa's work, and the wonderful people i've met here who're just emanating The Light all over the place.

xxxxxx...

erika

Re: erika update

[(Anonymous)]

Don't feel weak that you took the offer to stay.
Out of 1000s of results that I could have imagined, staying put is #2. #1 would have been a fantastic buyout, and everything after #2 is bad to worse. Now you are in complete control on the date you leave Mordor without looking back, no salt pillars please.

Pretend this is like you heard whispers you were going to get a pink slip and started panic networking and looking for a new gig...in the back of your mind thinking you couldn't afford your place and would have to beg friends/family for a couch for 6mo while you get back on your feet.

Now you have 1-N months to plan, prepare, and act on this. Needle in the haystack.

Its like the old story of the man condemned to die, and he made a deal with King. Oh but spare me 1 year and I will teach your horse to sing. You now have time you didn't think you had before. A lot can happen in the time before you. The backstabbing neighbor could move, could die, you could die, and hell, you just might teach that horse to sing!

peace and prayers your way,
rq

CONFESSION: Why i'm really ashamed

[(Anonymous)]

I'm ashamed because I sold out:

I agreed to not write about simone bailey on social media or online or anywhere like it never happened.
Or that's part of getting evicted.

I'm supposed to be a free speech absolutist...and I was sad about Camille Pagia being quiet when it counted. But I sold out, too.

That's why I'm ashamed. And I cannot avenge James with my non violent WORDS.

However I remembered fiction. That was how I got away with everything I published. Oh yeah...FICTION!

Getting around this like Prince changing his name into a symbol or George Clinton using funkadelic then parliament.

Now I also remember why fiction is more true than non fiction. I'm unrestrained.

Failure of imagination...someone here said that's what despair was, I think. Something like that.

So that's why I am ashamed. Until I figure a way around so that I may exhibitionistically claw my way back to a more imaginative concept of myself growing old but defiantly in a declining America...

Imagination hurts and I got it wrong that James would have to make it. I've gotten soooo many things wrong and I don't trust myself. I wonder if I actually am crazy and deluded...unrealistic.

James was real. We were real. He disappeared while I was distracted and fighting stupid meaningless crap ...and now I'm not so sure he was ever here at all. Our whole time was our own secret world because most people were spikey next to James and they didn't FEEL good. They were hungry... are hungry ghosts with the scrawny legs and big bellies.

So now I have to DO something to defy ...cleverly defy the promises I made with a gun to my head. I was supposed to risk blowing off half my face and living to make up how much happier and easier my life is now that the train only cut off my legs leaving me alive and living in a 5th floor walk up.

I cannot yet anyone stifle my screams of madness and terror. One must at least be able to scream for your mother with your dying words. That's what I must do. Fiction!

Good night and sweet dreams.

(Smile)

Erika

P.S. on imagination...

[(Anonymous)]

Fiction's better because I didnt wanna have her in my head. It's gross, that's how I know she's obsessed with me. Because she lives to destroy me mow that she found the edge to rip.

So my cartoon monster shall be "CUNTACULA."

And I'll have to whore out Kitten Lopez and put her to service. No more sidelines. We must all get dirty and put our metaphors in the blender.

Erika