Numerology: Relationship Numbers
Feb. 3rd, 2022 02:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ecosophia
In previous posts in this series we’ve talked about the two basic numbers of numerology—the birth number, representing the aspects of yourself and your life that aren’t subject to change, and the name number, representing the aspects of yourself and your life that you can do something about—and combined them into the time number, which tells you how each day and year will work out for you. Very few of us go through life untouched by the influence of other people, however. In the case of important relationships, certain numbers created by addition can be used to sort out how these will work.
Relationship numbers are a relatively new dimension of numerology; they are mentioned on very few of the old books, and the meanings given below may well need a certain amount of revision as more experience with the system is gained. I have found in my own experience, however, that they are worth calculating for any serious interaction among two people—relationships in the romantic sense, of course, but also business partnerships, friendships, and any other close connection. You can also use them for your relationship to a company, a school, or an organization, provided that you can get the necessary information to work out the number—which is not always easy.
Two numbers need to be calculated to make sense of any relationship. The first is the outer number. This is based on the birth numbers of the two people involved. Add the two birth numbers together and reduce to a single-digit number in the usual way (with the usual exceptions of 11 and 22). That gives you the outer number. This number represents the concrete, outward, practical side of the relationship. If it’s for a marriage, for example, how will the marriage work out in purely practical terms? Will the people involved be able to handle each other’s habits? Will they be comfortable together? Will they be able to work together, build a stock of shared wealth, and prosper?
Here’s what the numbers mean.
If your outer number is 1, the relationship will be a practical success. This is the number of those relationships where the two people work together instinctively, as though sharing each other’s thoughts. They will need to learn how to listen to advice from others, however, as such a relationship can become a feedback loop that amplifies bad ideas and keeps mistakes from being noticed until too late.
If your outer number is 2, the relationship will be full of ups and downs, successes and failures, wins and losses. The two people involved are very different, and they can succeed if they learn to balance their strengths and weaknesses, but this will not be easy and will require a great deal of patience and thoughtfulness on both sides. Lacking that, things can very easily descend into stalemate.
If your outer number is 3, the relationship will be successful but unstable. In a marriage or other romantic relationship, one or both partners may not be faithful; in a business partnership, one or both partners may have something going on the side in a more economic sense! If you know what you’re getting into and are willing to stay flexible and adjust to the other person’s vagaries, this can work, but don’t count on happily ever after.
If your outer number is 4, the relationship will be stable but not necessarily successful. This is a good number for a marriage when both parties are interested in home and family, and it can be an extremely good number for a partnership when hard work and steady gains are desired, but if you are looking for a whirlwind of romance or quick profits in business, this is the wrong choice for you.
If your outer number is 5, the relationship is going to be a mess. This is a number of sudden change, disruption, and adventure, not of any kind of lasting situation. A brief passionate affair followed by “So long, it’s been real” or a short-term business deal are certainly options, but if you try to hang on and make things last, the two of you will likely end up fighting like cats and dogs, if one or the other person doesn’t simply blow right out of town.
If your outer number is 6, the relationship will be a success, even though it may not have the results you want. This number brings happiness and generosity; a relationship of any kind with this number will tend to be comfortable and happy in its practical dimensions, though if it’s a business relationship the business may not make much of a profit. “Relax, enjoy, and have fun” is a good motto for this kind of relationship.
If your outer number is 7, the relationship will only be successful if you can both handle solitude and silence. A romantic relationship with this number will be difficult, though it can work if both people are comfortable spending much of their time apart and treating closeness as an occasional event. A business partnership with this number will have the partners working on their own most of the time, and interacting only as needed. If you need social interaction in your relationships, this is a very difficult number.
If your outer number is 8, the relationship will be a great practical success, but you will have to work at it. This is the number of businesses that start out with very little and grow from there a step at a time, and its effects on romantic relationships is similar: it’s common for couples with this relationship birth number to start out relatively poor and end up comfortable or even rich. Learning to work together productively is essential in either case.
If your outer number is 9, the relationship is high-intensity stuff, and it may be a success or a disaster depending on how the people involved handle the pressure. Setting positive goals and remaining faithful to ideals is essential, and can result in great achievement. The people in the relationsip will face important challenges, and how they deal with those will have immense influence on how things turn out in the short run as well as the long run.
If your outer number is 11, the relationship has the characteristics of a 2, but with a much stronger chance of success. Different as the two people are, if they can learn to work well together and balance their very different capacities against each other’s, they can accomplish astonishing things.
If your outer number is 22, the relationship has the characteristics of a 4, but with a much greater intensity for those involved. These are typically fated relationships, the sort of thing that happens to the people in question whether they want it or not. The results may be heavenly, hellish, or (more likely) a mix of each, but a relationship with this birth number probably can’t be avoided, and the consequences for good or ill are likely to be life-changing.
* * * * *
That’s the outer number. The other number is the inner number, and it’s found by adding together the name numbers of the two people involved, and reducing it to a single digit in the usual way (with the usual exceptions of 11 and 22). Where the outer number tells you about the practical dimensions of the relationship, the inner number tells you about its emotional dimensions, and especially about what provides the relationship with its emotional foundation and direction.
If your inner number is 1, the relationship is founded on shared goals. The people involved know what they want and need each other’s help to get it, and will thrive so long as both are willing to share the effort needed to achieve their mutual goal.
If your inner number is 2, the relationship is founded on shared needs. Each of the partners has a quality the other lacks, and often more than one such quality—this is the classic case of “opposites attract.” The relationship will thrive so long as each person is able to get their needs met by the other.
If your inner number is 3, the relationship is founded on shared interests. The people in this relationship keep it going by staying light, playful, and entertaining, and by making sure that both partners have the chance to pursue their interests.
If your inner number is 4, the relationship is founded on shared security. We all need at least a little stability and familiarity in life, and a 4 relationship is a good way to get it. It will thrive so long as both people are willing to accept the placid, unexciting life that this kind of relationship reliably generates.
If your inner number is 5, the relationship is founded on shared adventure. The craving for excitement and novelty is the glue that holds this relationship together, and a little danger simply adds spice. As a result, such relationships rarely last long, but they can be great fun—or great misery!—while they last.
If your inner number is 6, the relationship is founded on shared comforts. This is the kind of relationship in which the people involved are simply too comfortable with each other to want to change. Generosity is essential for making this kind of relationship work.
If your inner number is 7, the relationship is founded on shared ideas. This can be a very cold and cerebral relationship, or it can be one of passionate commitment to an ideal, but one way or another it depends on the life of the mind and will thrive as long as the people in question remain equally committed to their ideas.
If your inner number is 8, the relationship is founded on shared effort. This is the kind of relationship that must be worked at, not one that comes easily. So long as both partners are willing to put in the necessary effort, it can be very successful, but there will likely be difficult times at first.
If your inner number is 9, the relationship is founded on shared service. In this kind of relationship the people involved need each other’s emotional support and nurturing, and the relationship thrives so long as they take care of each other.
If your inner number is 11, the relationship has the characteristics of a 2 but with a dynamic element. By meeting otherwise unmet needs, the relationship enables the people involved to accomplish things otherwise out of reach; this is the classic number of a creative partnership in the arts or business.
If your inner number is 22, the relationship has the characteristics of a 4 but with an unusual emotional and spiritual depth. The emotional security and stability provided by such a relationship allows one or both partners to pursue a deep spiritual or creative life, very little of which may be visible to anyone else.
* * * * *
A caution is probably worth adding at this point. Numbers are simple; relationships are complex. No pair of numbers can sum up more than a small part of what a relationship means to the people who are involved in it, and of course there’s the far from small detail that the relationship can mean one thing to one of the participants and something quite different to the other.
More generally, this is the great limitation of numerology. It’s a simple, clear, straightforward method of divination that is easy to use and easy to interpret. Since the universe is rarely simple, clear, straightforward, or easy to interpret, there can be a distinct mismatch between the number and the reality! Numerological divination is most helpful as a quick, readily available source of guidance and intuitive insight. It is worth learning and practicing, especially by beginners to the divinatory arts, but is best supplemented with other divination methods that can provide more nuance and detail.
In the final part of this sequence we’ll discuss some of the minor numbers that numerologists have used to add to the flexibility of the system.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-03 09:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-04 03:36 am (UTC)Mawwiage and twue wuv
Date: 2022-02-03 11:13 pm (UTC)For example, if John Smith is considering marrying Jane Doe, does he add JohnSmith+JaneDoe or does he add JohnSmith+JaneSmith since Jane will change her name after marriage?
Re: Mawwiage and twue wuv
Date: 2022-02-04 03:37 am (UTC)Numbers
Date: 2022-02-03 11:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-03 11:25 pm (UTC)The Grey Badger.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-04 03:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-07 04:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-08 04:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-08 02:30 pm (UTC)Mee too.
Date: 2022-02-04 03:53 pm (UTC)Emily07
(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-03 11:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-04 03:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-04 04:29 pm (UTC)From real life, a quote "Why are you talking to me like that when you didn't before?"
"You didn't belong to me then." People....strong hint - RUN, DO NOT WALK, out of that relationship. "If I'd wanted Mister I'm-the-boss, I'd still be living with my father (and my mother.)"
Curiously Relieved
Date: 2022-02-04 12:47 am (UTC)Perhaps, had they worked at that relationship rather than dad cut-and-run, and mom circle the drain in bitterness, things may have worked out better. I'll never know. To this day, my sibs and I really can't mention dad to mom without feeling the temperature drop about 50 degrees.
So, thank you for a system that shed a bit more light on a situation that really was NOT my fault. My heart feels lighter.
OtterGirl
Re: Curiously Relieved
Date: 2022-02-04 03:39 am (UTC)Maiden or Married Name for Marriage Inner Number?
Date: 2022-02-04 01:08 am (UTC)Re: Maiden or Married Name for Marriage Inner Number?
Date: 2022-02-04 03:40 am (UTC)Names in a relationship
Date: 2022-02-04 02:31 am (UTC)Re: Names in a relationship
Date: 2022-02-04 03:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-04 01:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-04 05:50 pm (UTC)Naturally, I worked both numbers out for her name number. For one, she is an 8 and the other a 3. The three definitely describes her better but she also has some clear elements of the 8. I would say something like a 70/30 split from 3/8.
The more interesting point if for the inner number here. Utilizing one number we are a 5, that is a very accurate description other than the fact that we have been married for five years and we have formed an effective duad in our marriage (for practical considerations) and I'm certainly not interested in ending things anytime soon (and I'm pretty sure she isn't either!). When you calculate the inner number with her other name we are a 1 and I would say overall that we are definitely about a 50/50 mishmash between the two.
So, just a data point.
HV
(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-05 03:51 am (UTC)Kirsten
(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-05 02:57 pm (UTC)Interestingly, the same numbers come up for me and my twin, with whom I have quite an intense, though comfortable, relationship. There too, from our earliest days we've relaxed, had fun and worked to put in the effort. In the beginning it was stuff like helping each other put our socks on, a fraught and vexatious undertaking, and now it's more about sifting through our hideous childhoods and being generous with one another.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-06 11:14 am (UTC)The inner 4 is quite accurate and it works very well for me after the abusive dumpster fire that was my parents marriage and my upbringing. Stability, security and reliability is a very nice change of pace and amounts to a better marriage than I ever thought was possible as a kid.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-06 08:14 pm (UTC)But we're an outer 8 (hardly surprising: Capricorn husband and Virgo wife). Our inner number is 7 and although our shared ideals predate ADR we've been avid followers of your blogs since around 2013.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-07 01:16 pm (UTC)My marriage is outer 3, inner 22. At first I wanted to dismiss it upon reading the outer number as unstable, neglecting that it interprets an outsider perspective. But there doesn't seem to be a person alive who understands our dynamic; aside from our appreciation for solitude we have absolutely nothing in common.
As for the inner 22, well, with our love of solitude come a desire for things to stay the same. Always the same, no interruptions, no unplanned visits from friends, just stable banality. Not sure on the spiritually deep, but we fit together in just such a way as to bolster each others' weak points.
So there's another data point for you.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-08 04:55 am (UTC)Also anyone else have experience with outer 22/inner 11 relationships? It seems like they would be pretty notable.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-08 05:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2022-02-08 03:26 pm (UTC)Just noting that our outer number is 11. Our relationship could certainly be described as a one night stand that is still going on 33 years later. We are very different people, but have somehow managed to forge a team that strengthens each of us, vis-a-vis the world.
I tried the inner number both ways. First names gives us a 5, adding surnames (I never bothered changing mine) gives us a 7. That we share ideas, and also, adventures makes sense. I would definitely say that over the years, all the important challenges that we have faced, and overcome, relate in some way to the respecting of each other's freedom. Freedom to move (have adventures) and freedom to think (often idiosyncratic) thoughts. On the whole, though, I think our *adventures* are more likely to be shared than our *ideas*. So there is a data point towards which names to use.