While We're Discussing Absurdities...

[ecosophia]

So my wife and I were talking this morning about the decidedly silly magical working I discussed here yesterday, and the absurdity of the Galactic Signature names (Red Electric Moon et al.) struck us both hard enough to leave dents. Cliff was certainly right that some of them would make good doom metal album names, but really, why settle for Red Electric Moon when you could really go to town? 

With that in mind, I secluded myself in a chamber of rugose and squamous sorceries and practiced the necessary ablutions, prostrations, incantations and obfuscations that are required if you want to contact that evanescent being of cosmic mystery...the inimitable Lady Pixie Moondrip, author of the ever-famous Lady Pixie Moondrip's Guide to Craft Names. Her Irreverent Absurdity was kind enough to put in an appearance, and as a result I am privileged to present: 

Lady Pixie Moondrip's Pangalactic New Age Soul Signature Generator!

Your Pangalactic New Age Soul Signature is of course the secret key to your own mystical inner nature. It is determined by the Cosmic Oom, which can be contacted by the use of Jungian synchronicity -- a twenty-sided die works well here. Roll three times and look up the results in the following Mystic Tables of Thpageti-Thoth the Atlantean Short Order Cook: 

TABLE 1
1 - mauve
2 - heliotrope
3 - aquamarine
4 - taupe
5 - sepia
6 - magenta
7 - maroon
8 - umber
9 - fuchsia
10 - puce
11 - crimson
12 - orange
13 - turquoise
14 - tangerine
15 - indigo
16 - lilac
17 - cobalt
18 - citrine
19 - écru
20 - scarlet

TABLE 2
1 - orthogonal
2 - exogenous
3 - radiant
4 - refulgent
5 - eldritch
6 - tangential
7 - palpitating
8 - hyperactive
9 - nocturnal
10 - transcendent
11 - hibernating
12 - funicular
13 - translucent
14 - amphibious
15 - anthropoid
16 - exiguous
17 - apopleptic
18 - crunchy
19 - somnolent
20 - oracular

TABLE 3
1 - piglet
2 - muffin
3 - puppy
4 - toad
5 - skull
6 - sheep
7 - tulip
8 - moose
9 - wombat
10 - opossum
11 - raccoon
12 - pangolin
13 - wolverine
14 - stoat
15 - weasel
16 - platypus
17 - chicken
18 - cow
19 - eel
20 - octopus

Note 1: If you don't like the results, just remember that your Pangalactic New Age Soul Signature can change synchronistically at 3:42 am Greenwich mean time every day, so you can always roll again. Are you a Lilac Tangential Piglet? A Maroon Orthogonal Cow? Find out now! 

Note 2: There is also the sinister Pangalactic Lovecraftian Soul Signature, for all you worshipers of the Great Old Ones. In order to generate this, you use tables 1 and 3, but insert a randomly chosen adjective from an H.P. Lovecraft story in the middle. You could be an Umber Gibbering Raccoon or an Orange Archaic Weasel, after all! 

Pangalactic Update, Star Date 16.04.20:  one of my enthusiastic readers succeeded in making personal contact with the Cosmic Oom and has automated the process of consulting the Tables of Thpageti-Thoth! Part the veils of phantasmagoric nothingness and check out the omnipotent oracle at www.CosmicOom.com. 

Another Pangalactic Update: the CosmicOom.com version of the Tables of Thpageti-Thoth is now accepting new colors, adjectives, and nouns for The Automated Pangalactic New Age Soul Signature Generator Two Point Infinity! Please post 'em in the comments. We can attain levels of mystical preposterousness never before achieved! 

Comments

[grandswamperman]

I got Heliotrope Radiant Moose, which sounds less like doom metal and more like atmospheric post-black metal from Canada. Pity I'm from the US ;-)

[(Anonymous)]

Lilac whateveritwas piglet has a sort of nice ring to it :)

[robertmathiesen]

Thpageti-Thoth! Oh my aching ears and whiskers! I may need to make myself a Pangalactic Gargleblaster after that one ...

[ecosophia]

I couldn't resist.

[(Anonymous)]

fuchsia exiguous skull

i love fuchsia flowers and I'm fascinated by small things, including the little round "apple dome"** heads of both my dogs

I'm in a state of bliss!

** Apparently that's a dog breeding term

[(Anonymous)]

Yawn. 😴. There is NO title more prestigious than one conferred by The Inestimable Archdruid of Estimable Archdruidity, and he has dubbed me Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat. Pixie’s a pretender. Smile kindly at her and when she’s gone away, I’ll give you a REAL Name of Power such as “Harold “ or “Ashley.” If we can’t find one that works, we’ll send someone around with a keg. All your worries will disappear along with the contents of the keg.

[deansmith]

Oh my, the comedy is getting thick around here. This is the second time you've cracked me up in as many days

- Ecru Eldritch Eel

[(Anonymous)]

Turquoise Orthogonal Raccoon!

[(Anonymous)]

I don't have a twenty-sided die handy but found a virtual one online.
The results I came up with were:

Puce Radiant Opossum
Ecru Nocturnal Stoat
Sepia Amphibious Octopus

I find all to be terribly uninspired (and not particularly colorful). As none are worthy of my Pangalactic New Age Soul Signature (which I'm sure would be quite magnificent if I rolled the dice enough times) I believe I'll stick with Red Overtone Serpent until tomorrow.

JLfromNH

[(Anonymous)]

Today I got magenta orthogonal pangolin. Much better! And with enough
superficial similarities to Red Overtone Serpent that I'm sure there's
some sort of cosmic significance to it. I am now a happy pangolin --
until tomorrow anyway.

JLfromNH

[brendhelm]

I am a Heliotropic Translucent Cow.

...Well, I am rather fond of brisket...

[przxqgl]

surely you remember people like Anodyne, Cloudhopper, Tarzan, and Mauldiwarp Moongate-Climber from your college days... 😉

[ecosophia]

For some reason none of those are coming to mind -- well, except for Tarzan, who I encountered in a different context long before I went to college.

[(Anonymous)]

Hm, mine is Orange Palpitating Muffin. Sounds delicious! Maybe not if you taste it with the left side of your tongue? ;P

[(Anonymous)]

I got Scarlet Orthogonal Wombat, which is a big prog-rocky but I'll take it.
Thanks for this!
-Cliff

[lincoln_lynx]

Lilac Somnolent Pangolin :O Phew at least I'm a American pangolin. Let it never be said the Cosmic Oom never did me a solid.

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks for this. It's zarking hilarious. Although I don't think I'll change my name to Puce Exiguous Skull any time soon. Too many people who know me would probably think the name fits me exceedingly well.

DJSpo

[(Anonymous)]

What do you do if you dont have a 20 sided dice? Have to meditate on this...

Tidlösa

[ecosophia]

The internet being the internet, there's an online d20 simulator. Have fun!

[(Anonymous)]

Puce crunchy piglet?

This does not bode well. Shall I be found good with ketchup?

Andy

SRO

[(Anonymous)]

Both refreshingly funny and educational. I have now added the word "refulgent" to my vocabulary.

Sepia Refulgent Octopus

(I admit I was hoping for Wombat as my Creature, but evidently the Cosmic Oom had other plans!)

Re: SRO

[brendhelm]

I have been encountering the word "refulgent/refulgence" a lot recently. Something synchronistic must be going on.

Cobalt Radiant Platypus

[(Anonymous)]

The Platypus sings of antediluvian days...

The fairest Iguanodon reposed upon the shore
Extended lay her beauteous form, a hundred feet and more.
The sun, with rays flammivomous, beat on the blue-black sand;
And sportive little Saurians disported on the strand
But oft the Iguanodon reproved them in their glee,
And said, "Alas! this Saurian Age is not what it should be!"

http://gutenberg.net.au/ebooks09/0900681h.html#dotandkangaroo-03

Re: Cobalt Radiant Platypus

[ecosophia]

Good heavens. Somehow I lived my entire life up to this point without ever encountering Dot and the Kangaroo.

[(Anonymous)]

Mauve Oracular Sheep. Huge improvement over "Yellow Planetary Human", that's for sure. I do NOT look good in yellow, hmpf!

Now I have the image in my head of a pink sheep, sitting crosslegged and laying out yarrow stalks to cast the I-Ching...

[(Anonymous)]

Sepia tangential weasel here, which I think times 3.14 equals the radiant platypus

[ecosophia]

I checked your math and you're quite correct. ;-)

[(Anonymous)]

Speaking as a Gibbering Weasel I look forward to meeting more of my own kind !

Synchronotron?

[(Anonymous)]

The web site bookstore of the author of your prior post includes this title: "260 keys to synchronotron". (I have no idea what their synchronotron is, but I suspect it's some kind of calendar.) I feel quite safe, though, in claiming that the "recyclotron" (a self-designed cabinet of trash-sorting bins in my kitchen, named by my wife) will be of greater benefit to the health of the cosmos than their synchronotron. Not only does it help us sort our recyclable trash, but it holds cookbooks in the top compartment, and the food dehydrating machine up on top.

Lathechuck

PS: John - See XKCD #2293, for a tribute to John Conway.

Re: Synchronotron?

[ecosophia]

The recyclotron is indeed a thing of great value, and perhaps the synchronotron will end up in it. (It you really want to know, there's a discussion of the synchronotron here.

Thanks for pointing me to the XKCD tribute -- that was brilliantly done.

[wooler]

This is a welcome bit of lightheartedness. Thanks to my boys there is always a D20 lying around within arms reach. I went Lovecraftian and blindly pointed at a page from the Collected Works of Horror. It opened at "Rats in the Wall" and I had to read a surprising eight sentences before coming to the next adjective: Ultimate.

So I am Ecru Ultimate Platypus. I would like to change to Ecru Penultimate Platypus - not only for the alliteration and rhythmic satisfaction, but because truly I am but he who clears the way for the much greater platypus to come after.
Wooler

[ecosophia]

Your request for a Pangalactic New Age Soul Signature change has been approved by the Ministry of Silly Destinies. Go ye forth and platypize penultimately!

www.CosmicOom.com

[(Anonymous)]

You'll be happy to know that the Internet God[desses] of Absurdity have risen to the occasion: you will find a Pangalactic New Age Soul Signature at www dot CosmicOom dot com. Best!

Re: www.CosmicOom.com

[ecosophia]

If you meant this seriously, my browser is insufficiently enlightened to find CosmicOom.com -- or perhaps it hasn't propagated through the phantasmagoric nothingness yet.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, well – I should have known that my real name should be Lilac Translucent Platypus! I do, however, think that the Mystic Tables of Thpageti-Thoth can be a multi-purpose tool, useful for hurling unusual curses at ones foes: I’m sure that if I walked up to the slob living on my street and called him a turquoise apoplectic weasel, he’d either respond with “them’s fighting words!”, or take a good swing at me!

Ron M