Open (More or Less) Post on Covid 139

[ecosophia]

We are now in the third year of these open posts. As the phrase "died suddenly" repeats in the mass media like a mantra, statistics for work days lost to illness and all-cause mortality mount up in heavily vaccinated nations, and more and more ugly facts about the official response to Covid spill out into public, we are entering what may well turn out to be the most difficult period of the Covid disaster -- the phase in which denial rises in lockstep with the death rate, and a great many people try not to admit what has been done to them by the people and institutions they trusted. It could get ugly, folks.

So it's time for another open post. The rules are the same as before: 

1. If you plan on parroting the party line of the medical industry and its paid shills, please go away. This is a place for people to talk openly, honestly, and freely about their concerns that the party line in question is dangerously flawed and that actions being pushed by the medical industry et al. are causing injury and death. It is not a place for you to dismiss those concerns. Anyone who wants to hear the official story and the arguments in favor of it can find those on hundreds of thousands of websites.

2. If you plan on insisting that the current situation is the result of a deliberate plot by some villainous group of people or other, please go away. There are tens of thousands of websites currently rehashing various conspiracy theories about the Covid-19 outbreak and the vaccines. This is not one of them. What we're exploring is the likelihood that what's going on is the product of the same arrogance, incompetence, and corruption that the medical industry and its tame politicians have displayed so abundantly in recent decades. That possibility deserves a space of its own for discussion, and that's what we're doing here. 
 
3. If you plan on using rent-a-troll derailing or disruption tactics, please go away. I'm quite familiar with the standard tactics used by troll farms to disrupt online forums, and am ready, willing, and able -- and in fact quite eager -- to ban people permanently for engaging in them here. Oh, and I also lurk on other Covid-19 vaccine skeptic blogs, so I'm likely to notice when the same posts are showing up on more than one venue. 

4. If you don't believe in treating people with common courtesy, please go away. I have, and enforce, a strict courtesy policy on my blogs and online forums, and this is no exception. The sort of schoolyard bullying that takes place on so many other internet forums will get you deleted and banned here. Also, please don't drag in current quarrels about sex, race, religions, etc. No, I don't care if you disagree with that: my journal, my rules. 

With that said, the floor is open for discussion.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

thank you each for the comments. cops left and moved on like it was nothing.

i think i've reached my limit on pain. my heart has never been so broken.

Papa, i have NOOOO idea how you did it. none. and after...who am i now? what do i wake up for???

no one like James. ever. i was soooo lucky i knew to answer that unusual fan email. changed my life in ways i didn't know to ask for or expect.

yes. their drugs are poison.

but you know what? James kept having faith in their medicine because i think he loved some of the attention and believed they were "specialists." in the end i think they're just networkers. they mean well, but they mean well like voting for something you won't have to pay for.

this deep pain reminds me why they don't wanna feel even tiny pains.

this hurts.

it doesn't make sense.

but none of this does. how casual how open humanity is about others' deaths... it's chilling. i didn't see any of this coming.

back to sitting with James' body. i sit...cry...the kitties are lounging and sleeping on him and after the rains that came after he died at 5:55, now the sun is out and there was a pretty bird singing us songs.

no radio. only the hush of cars outside i mistake for his breath. i imagine i see his body gently rising and falling with calm breaths.

my heart is so broken, i'm glad he loved me that i hurt THIS hard. never been loved like that. spoiled like you wouldn't believe. he was a secret and blew my mind that such men existed or such PEOPLE.

he was never boring. always fascinating and changing his mind. his ego was fluff. meaning he could blow it aside in a minute. his logic made me feel safe. he never ground my face into the mud.

he was my Jesus.

he taught me how crazy powerful this Love Thing is.

i'm so lucky. so glad for what i had. too lucky. i don't figure i deserved not even half of it.

he believed i wasn't a monster. i used to cry so hard because i figured i'd fooled even him.

(smile)

x

erika

[ecosophia]

Erika, of course it hurts and of course it doesn't make sense. The first days are the worst, though, and it will get better. Try to take care of yourself -- drink plenty of water, eat a little too much, nap as often as you need to; the death of someone you love is a shock to your body as well as your heart, mind, and soul. If you take your body's needs into account it'll make it easier to get through these first terrible days, pick yourself up, and go on to the rest of your life.

[(Anonymous)]

thank you for this explanations of deep shivers like i'm chilly and sometimes even before he died i'd be so moved i'd cry and go limp like my muscles would give out.

yes, the body.... i said i feel like a bee gutted losing his stinger but i feel like a lost rib. i get the poetry now.

thanks, Papa. this is a freshly-bleeding hell.

x

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Erika,

Long-time but silent reader here. I wanted to tell you how so sorry I am for your loss and the pain that you're going through. My deepest condolences to you.

I will continue to pray for you and for James on his journey.

I wish you strength and healing. And I hope that it's a consolation to you to know that you're dearly loved within this community, and that we're here for you.

KT

[(Anonymous)]

thank you, KT. i do feel it especially when i'm faltering like recently.
(smile)

x

[(Anonymous)]

thank you, KT

x

[slclaire]

Erika, you wrote a heartbreakingly beautiful obit for James. I'm so very sorry! I'll pray for James' soul. If you would like prayers, I'll pray for you too. And please take JMG's advice!

[(Anonymous)]

i always welcome prayers since i cannot control the curses right now and i DID very much take Papa's advice and got a pizza at half over the course of one night and fell asleep.

thank you very much,

x

p.s. dear others thank you for all the love and kisses. i pick up the love and carry 'em around then return with what i wanna say. i get verrrry emotional then take emotion breaks then return here to read and sob all over again later. i'm here holding on to the love because i'm trying not to go "bad."

[(Anonymous)]

My deepest condolences.
May peace be with you and with him.

[(Anonymous)]

thank you very much.
x

[(Anonymous)]

With love, I played a song for you and James one midnight early in your ordeal, back when I saw the first prayer request. Guess it was my oddball way to pray but when I played it, I felt just about every hair on my body stand up… it must’ve been doing something right. So many times since then I wanted to mention or share the song with you somehow but now more than ever, I think the words will shine through.


You know, man, when I was a young man in high school
You believe it or not, I wanted to play football for the coach
And all those older guys, they said that he was mean and cruel but you know
I wanted to play football, for the coach

They said I was a little too lightweight to play lineback
And so I was playin' right-end
Wanted to play football for the coach
'Cause, you know some day, man
You gotta stand up straight unless you're gonna fall
Then you're going to die

And the straightest dude I ever knew
Was standing right for me, all the time
So I had to play football for the coach
And I wanted to play football for the coach

When you're all alone and lonely
In your midnight hour
And you find that your soul
It has been up for sale

And you're getting to think about
All the things that you done
And you're getting to hate
Just 'bout everything

But remember the princess who lived on the hill
Who loved you even though she knew you was wrong

And right now she just might come shining through
And the glory of love
Glory of love
Glory of love just might come through

And all your two-bit friends have gone and ripped you off
They're talking behind your back saying
"Man, you are never going to be no human being"

And you start thinking again about all those things that you've done
And who it was and what it was
And all the different things that made every different scene

Ah, but remember that the city is a funny place

Something like a circus or a sewer

And just remember, different people have peculiar taste
And the glory of love
The glory of love
The glory of love might see you through

Yeah, but now, now
Glory of love
The glory of love
The glory of love might see y'all through

Glory of love, uh-huh-huh
The glory of love
Glory of love, glory of love
Glory of love, now, glory of love, now
Glory of love, now, now, now, glory of love
Glory of love, give it to me now
Glory of love to see you through, huh

Oh, my Coney Island baby, now
I'm a Coney Island baby, now
I'd like to send this one out to Lou and Rachel
And all the kids at P.S. 1902 (Coney Island baby)
Man, I'd swear, I'd give the whole thing up for you


Erika, I wish you all the strength in the world to see yourself through this. You are appreciated.

- Brooklyn Wise Guy

[(Anonymous)]

Not E.L. here but this is quite a work and I benefitted from seeing it.

[(Anonymous)]

Brooklyn Wise Guy, thank you so much. i'd written how your song inspired me to ask you to record it then i got the idea to use this CREATIVITY that i felt from you and the other poem on here, to keep it GOING somehow... writing about love stories and struggles and fights back to love.

thank you for getting the chills and being part of the ...cypher? whatever it is we're spinning and twirling here like dervishes of our own kind.

xxxxxx

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Erika,

I am so sorry for your loss.

You are an amazing person and have been a treasure to this community and to James.

Prayers and love and respect to you.

Lean on us and take care of yourself.

[(Anonymous)]

thank you and i HAVE been leaning as you see!
x

[claire_58]

Oh oh oh Erika, I'm so sorry.
Blessings to you and for James.
E.C.

[(Anonymous)]

thanks, EC.
x

R.I.P. James

[(Anonymous)]

I grieve for your loss, Erika, and for the fate that has brought you to this wall of pain. On the other side may your spirit, and his, be strong.

Gray Hat

Re: R.I.P. James

[(Anonymous)]

WALL OF PAIN...

yeah. that's it. it seems soooo insurmountable but if Papa can do it....

x

[(Anonymous)]

i cried for your loss, the love you and James share is something that i aspired to my whole life but have never achieved.


once some of the shock has passed
i hope that you can see James like this:

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die

[(Anonymous)]

i was eating some of the left over pizza i immediately ordered after i read Papa G said it's okay to nap a lot and EAT A LOT! i'd forgotten that a few weeks without new groceries, i was FAMISHED. so i ordered a regular old-fashioned pepperoni pizza pie from haystack in noe valley. the lack of foofy trendy pizza stuff and just plain simple unpretentious blue collar pizza reminds of the east coast and comforts me.

so i was eating some heated up left overs, waiting for the hospital bed guy to pick up the bed, and i read more of the love letters to us and i saw your first line: "the love you and James share is something that i aspired to my whole life but have never achieved," i instantly broke into sobs and almost CHOKED ON MY PIZZA.

thanks for upending my despair into gratitude, because others have told me this and i'm stunned. what a tragedy because we weren't supposed to even STAY together. we made no "sense." but as James said one time he tried to leave me and only made it to the Nevada border where he called me and turned around, he said, "as much as we fight, still it's better with you than anywhere else."

he always felt drawn to come back Home to me.

so we were forced to try to be creative and work things out OUR WAY, which is hard when you've so few examples of creative relationships that follow no known templates or even ideals. we dared to Not Know.

thank you for that poem. i hear it feel it SEE it even now, as i just spoke with Temporary Reality this morning (she's got ESP and knew to call first thing in the morning), i could go either way with this because i feel rage at so many and so MUCH...

BUT....

(shrug)


right?

x

[milkyway1]

Erika,

Others have already said it all, and better than I could, but I just wanted to let you know that I‘m very, very sorry for your loss.

Hang in there!

If you want, I‘ll send you a big, heartfelt hug.

Milkyway

[(Anonymous)]

Sweet Erika. May your grief be as rich and passionate as your love for James is.

Annette

[scotlyn]

Erika, I have suddenly had the thought that you are probably about to get hit with bills, bills, bills, on top of your looming eviction issue.

So, I want to say that if you decide to set up a https://www.givesendgo.com/ appeal for funds with which to settle any of James's hospital and other expenses, and get yourself a start somewhere fresh, I would be more than happy to contribute. I hope you don't mind me getting into the material side of things, but I know when my brother-in-law died suddenly bills seemed to come out of the woodwork, and so, if that happens to you and it gets overwhelming, know that I would be happy to stick my thumb in my pocket and pull out something that would help the financial scale to tip itself in your direction too.

Be well, stay free.

[sinners4diseasecontrol]

You express grief so well, I am in tears over here in my little eyrie under the clouds.

Erika, we are grieving with you!