Magic Monday

[ecosophia]

It's getting on for midnight as I type this, so here we go with a new Magic Monday. This week's classic of Western occultism is a two-fer:  two fine little pamphlets by Gareth Knight, one of Dion Fortune's students and a first-rate Christian occultist in his own right. Occult Exercises and Practices and The Practice of Ritual Magic were important resources in my own magical training back in the day; I bought them in a long-vanished occult bookstore in Bellingham, WA, and went to work using the fine collection of exerciseds and practices they contain. They've been reprinted several times each and are available on the used-book circuit, but are currently out of print; it would be great to see them in a single volume from an occult publisher one of these days. 

Ask me anything about occultism and I'll do my best to answer it. Any question received by midnight Monday Eastern time will get an answer. If you're in a hurry, or suspect you may be the 143,916th person to ask a question, please check out the very rough version 1.0 of The Magic Monday FAQ here.

I've had several people ask about tipping me for answers here, and though I certainly don't require that I won't turn it down. You can use the button below to access my online tip jar. If you're interested in political and economic astrology, or simply prefer to use a subscription service to support your favorite authors, you can find my Patreon page here and my SubscribeStar page here.

With that said, have at it! 

***This Magic Monday is now closed -- and yes, this means you. See you next week!***

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

1) I recently came across something called the Draconic Zodiac, using the moon's north node as 0 Aries, and found my natal chart made a lot of sense when cast with it. I strike people as having a lot of Scorpio, and yet I only have Pluto there. With the Draconic chart thought, my sun, moon, Mercury, and Venus are all in Scorpio. Do you know anything which discus Draconic charts? I'm using internet websites at the moment, and he quality is, well, about the same as most of the rest of the internet...

2) Last week, I mentioned wanting to cut my internet use, and we discussed positive goals. Now, I spent the week mulling it over and came up with a half dozen possible goals. Am I correct to assume it's best to pick one to focus on, instead of diffusing my efforts across a few?

3) I have a question around Pluto: I currently have Pluto transiting over my ascendant, and am hardly feeling it. On the other hand, progressions involving Pluto hit hard, and I find they fit what I'd expect to see if I treated Pluto as a full planet. This, combined with observations that astrology books in the 1930s and 1940s tend to discount Pluto, have lead me to a somewhat odd hypothesis: in the progressed charts, the status of the planets is what they were at the date the chart matches.

a) Does this sound plausible to you?

b) Am I correct to think the best way to look into this would be looking at charts for people who were born before Pluto was discovered, and seeing if progressions to Pluto matter? Also looking at people born before 2006, but that can come later.

[(Anonymous)]

I should add as well: my ascendant is not in Scorpio, nor does Pluto form any close aspects in my chart.

[(Anonymous)]

You gave this advice once: "Start with your own natal chart. Make sure that Mercury isn't in the signs of its detriment or fall (Pisces or Sagittarius) and that it isn't in a conjunction, square or opposition aspect with Mars or Saturn. (If it is, check to see if Jupiter is okay -- not in Gemini, Virgo or Capricorn and free of those dame aspect -- and if Jupiter's messed up, see if the Sun is free of those aspects and not in Libra or Aquarius.)

We'll assume that Mercury is free of those problems. (If not, substitute the name of the other planet for Mercury.) Find a day and a time when the Moon is applying to Mercury by trine or sextile, and when neither the Moon nor Mercury is part of a square or opposition aspect with any planet, or a conjunction with Mars or Saturn. That's your time to submit the manuscript."

Would this be the same for releasing an album? Considering my Mercury is square Mars, and Jupiter is not in a great position, I'd use Sol... so would this mean finding a day where, for instance, the Sun is in Taurus and Moon in Cancer?

Is having my Mercury square Mars bad?

[ecosophia]

Nah, music belongs to Venus, not to Mercury, so your first thing to do is see if you can get Venus in good condition (not in Aries, Scorpio, or Virgo, and not in negative aspect with Mars or Saturn), and then get the Moon applying to Venus by trine or sextile, while neither the Moon nor Venus is in square or opposition to anything or in conjunction with Mars or Saturn. That's when you release your album.

The Sun is also an option, Remember that it's not enough to have the Moon in the right sign; it needs to be approaching an exact aspect, not moving away from one, and within 8 degrees or so of completing the aspect, the closer the better: say, Venus is at 18° Taurus and the Moon is anywhere from 10° to 18° Cancer or Pisces, the closer the better.

As for your Mercury-Mars squares, squares in a natal chart are challenges. They're not "bad" in any simplistic sense; they represent the enduring conflicts in your life, and as you learn to cope with them, they become your core sources of strength. People who have no squares or oppositions in their natal chart tend to be kind of bland.

Mantra for the Blocked

[(Anonymous)]

Hello, and thanks for hosting these. I've been dealing with some writers block, and I have done the exercises that you've specifically outlined to help one deal with this issue. However, in the process of doing so, I've noticed that I often think to myself "I have writer's block." So, I've been trying to replace that with the mantra "I create." I believe that even if it doesn't help, then it won't hurt. Have I chosen a good mantra?
Thanks again!

Re: Mantra for the Blocked

[ecosophia]

That's potentially workable. You could also try something more focused like "I've outgrown my writer's block."

[(Anonymous)]

In your experience does there appear to be much overlap between people who have some precognitive abilities and those who are particularly talented in divination?

[ecosophia]

Not in terms of innate talents, no. I've noticed that people with a talent for divination, if they put that talent to work, sometimes pick up precognitive abilities they did not previously have.

[(Anonymous)]

Does the galactic centre have any role in astrology that you know of?

[ecosophia]

The location of the galactic center hasn't been known long enough for astrologers to have a clear sense of what it means in astrological terms -- though there are some theories, and research is ongoing. Ask again in 200 years or so and there should be a solid answer!

[(Anonymous)]

Hi JMG,

Recently I went back to practicing the SOP again, after some earlier attempts last year that got interrupted by the Watcher (I managed to reach the fourth Gate).

My plan was to start slowly by doing the Elementary Cross and the Circulation of Light.

So far, whenever I did the Elementary Cross it caused a really nasty headache at the location of the forehead centre. The last time it was so bad that I felt nauseous and had to go to bed early - I subsequently slept for about 11 hours.

Is there something I could do to improve this situation?

Thank you!

[ecosophia]

If you get that kind of a negative reaction you probably shouldn't be practicing the ritual at this time. Do you get a similar response from the Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram?

actions as offerings

[(Anonymous)]

For some deities, there are obvious actions that can be offerings whilst stuck at home: learning and cultural activity for Athena and Apollo, housecleaning for Hestia. Exercise for Mars. What about Zeus?

Perhaps a list of these for gods in different pantheons would be useful and posters here could put one together?
Especially as people may need to conserve supplies, and increased action offerings could substitute for food and drink offerings?

Re: actions as offerings

[(Anonymous)]

Yes! I'm interested in a corresponding deity for Hestia in the Irish pantheon. I've been developing a relationship with Brid over the last couple months, but don't know the rest of the pantheon very well. I've felt a draw to Hestia - or at least what she represents - ever since I first heard of her, but don't feel drawn to the Roman or Greek pantheons as a whole.

[(Anonymous)]

Does it matter that the SoP was created in a time and place where major events like this (the pandemic and shutdown) didn't happen and weren't expected?
Might older rituals be more relevant?

[ecosophia]

The SoP was created in a time and place where pandemics were quite common. The United States in the 1950s had several large epidemics. There was an ongoing polio epidemic which peaked every summer until the vaccine was finally introduced in 1955. The tuberculosis epidemic of 1950 killed 34,000 people in the US, and the Asian flu pandemic of 1957 killed 62,000 people here. Most people alive then also remembered the widespread shutdowns and rationing during the Second World War. That being the case, the SoP is at least as well suited to our present situation as any ritual you care to name.

...and this is why I keep on pointing out that if you got your knowledge of history from a modern US public school education, you know nothing about history. I bet your teachers never mentioned any of those epidemics, did they?

Elvish

[(Anonymous)]

Hey jmg

Do you think, jmg, that the elvish languages tolkien mademay be used as a magical/sacred language such as Latin or Hebrew is used?

I ask since Tolkien used his linguistic skills to make the languages as beautiful as possible, and I wonder wether this beauty could have the power to attract something sacred, like how peladan said art can let humans experience the divine?

J.L.Mc12

Re: Elvish

[ecosophia]

It's been tried. So far, at least, those experiments I know of never got much result.

Placement for plants in a garden

[(Anonymous)]

I find myself in the fortunate position to be planning a garden for our new house, and have some questions about placement for some plants based on the concepts of your Encyclopedia of Natural magic.

I have read elsewhere that St. John’s wort would be more effective in keeping wandering spirits at bay if placed in the back of the house, which in my case is South (I’m in Australia) but being a solar plant, would it better align with the north from an elemental perspective?

Knowing you are well versed in Japanese culture and magic, could you advise what would be the best quarter to place a sakura tree?

Re: Placement for plants in a garden

[ecosophia]

In the northern hemisphere, it would be good to put it in the northeast, to protect against the unlucky influences from that direction. I'm not sure whether that would become the southeast on your end of the planet, or not! (Divination might be useful.)

[(Anonymous)]

Dear JMG,

1. Are there any of the rituals or exercises in the DMH which are hard on the heart?

2. Newbie question: are homeopathy and cell salts complete systems in of themselves, similarly to how Golden Dawn is one system and Druid magic another, such that each system accomplishes the same ends with different means? Or are they complementary, so that one can use elements from both systems when needed?

3. Even sillier newbie question: With cell salts, can you touch the pellets with your hands, or should you use a teaspoon?

4. Are cell salts compromised by caffeine?

Thank you!

[ecosophia]

1) If you have serious heart disease, you should not practice any form of ritual magic. If you have a mild heart condition, the DMH material should be fine.

2) It's a little more complex than that. Cell salts make up a complete system -- what used to be called "biochemic medicine" -- but the same 12 remedies are also used by homeopaths within their own system. I use cell salts only, but that's simply because that's what I know -- there are other people who use homeopathy and include the cell salts in their work.

3) Biochemic medicine uses the 6x potency, which is a sufficiently low dilution that you can touch the pills with your hands without problem. I typically put the pills into my palm before tucking them under my tongue, and have good results.

4) Again, cell salts are low dilution, so they aren't compromised by the things that mess over high-dilution homeopathic remedies. I drink lots of tea and have never had a problem with that.

SOP

[laflamme]

Dear ArchDruid,

My question is about the use of the 'sword mudra' when tracing out the symbols of the elements in the SoP ritual. I am guessing that this particular way of doing it energizes the gate that we are opening?
Is that correct?
Could you say a little more about the implications of tracing out the elemental symbols using the sword mudra?

From Under the Acacias,
Thank You.

Re: SOP

[ecosophia]

That's a good question to which I'm not sure anyone knows the answer. I practice the SoP with the hand held in the "sword mudra" because that's the way I was taught to do it, and pass it on to others on the same basis, because it works.

[(Anonymous)]

Hi JMG
Re the Canberra ingress chart where you mentioned some blunders were possible.
Well, in Sydney they let 3000 passengers of a cruise ship despite there being positive covid cases. All allowed to freely disperse back to their home states, so far 48 have tested positive.
Then of course, the Bondi beach fiasco.
This morning, pictures of hundreds lining up at Centrelink offices across the country hoping to get unemployment benefits. The website had crashed due to overload.
Not sure if you are aware, but the coalition has an extremely tight relationship with the top end of town and a poorly disguised contempt for workers.
During the GFC the labour Gov deposited money directly in everyone's bank as a stimulus measure. This lot would rather be sneezed in the face, than give checks to the 'undeserving poor'
Helen in Oz
PS it has now been one week since any of us have been able to see Mum.
We constantly ringing to check how she is and miss her very much.

[ecosophia]

This is one of those cases where I'm sorry to hear that my predictions were accurate. :-(

Pan-India clapping gratitude ritual

[(Anonymous)]

JMG,

Have you heard about this thing in India yesterday where the Prime Minister asked pretty much the entire country to stand up and clap and ring bells simultaneously for five minutes at a specific moment yesterday while concentrating and projecting their thoughts and feelings of gratitude towards healthcare workers etc and determination to overcome the coronavirus crisis etc?

Obviously a billion people didn't do it, but from what I'm told it was pretty successful and many millions to tens of millions (if not hundreds of millions - no one did a count) did actually do it. I am not in India now, but my parents (who live there) did it.

https://www.indiatoday.in/india/story/coronavirus-in-india-sounds-bells-conches-claps-reverberates-as-country-appreciates-essential-service-providers-1658513-2020-03-22

Is this basically a magical ritual? Chance of success/working/helping the situation?

Could there be a connection between this and the fact that India has had an unusually low number of corona cases till date? Of course testing is very low and it is a hot country but 400 cases in a country of 1.3 billion (same as Slovenia with 2 million people) is incredibly low. Russia's also very low with 400ish cases for a 150 million population but that's a different question..

Re: Pan-India clapping gratitude ritual

[ecosophia]

Fascinating. Yes, that's a magical ritual; people used to do the same thing during eclipses to help dispel the negative influences those bring. Do you happen to know whether the time was chosen by way of astrology?

[(Anonymous)]

You've described Christian banishing rituals and meditation, is there also a form of divination particularly suited to Christians?

Christian divination

[ritaer]

A traditional folk practice was Bibliomancy--opening the Bible at random with eyes closed and putting a finger down, then reading the verse your finger touches as a message.
Through years of Christianity some leaders regarded the use of astrology as legitimate for Christians, as God had placed the heavenly bodies for signs. Other Christians have taught that any effort to learn the future displays a lack of trust in God and ban all such practices.
But, as JMG as stated in the past, there have been occultists in every generation who believed that their practices were compatible with their Christian faith. Several years ago I read a blog entry by Rufus Opus on his 'Head for the Red' site in which he explained his particular combination of Neoplatonic sorcery and Christian belief. It was quite interesting--I think the site is still up, but it may take a bit of hunting to find that entry.

Rita

The mystical art of muscle testing

[(Anonymous)]

Two Magic Monday’s ago Syfen replied to my post by asking what exactly muscle testing is.

Muscle testing, also known as applied kinesiology, is a technique used by various alternative health practitioners, most regularly by chiropractors. In a clinical setting it involves testing the strength of one of the patient’s large muscles (commonly the posterior deltoid or biceps femoris in a prone position) while touching or manipulating a point on the body. If the point being contacted is misaligned, injured, imbalanced, or otherwise problematic, touching it will weaken the entire organism, including the muscle being tested. This allows the practitioner to zero in on the exact disturbance that wants correction. Yes, the body wants to be in balance and wants disturbances rebalanced. In fact, sometimes an obvious problem will not test weak until some other problem that the body wants addressed first gets identified and corrected. Some bodies behave more willfully than others, and some seem downright cantankerous.

Many different kinds of imbalance can be tested. Meridians’ primary contact points can be muscle tested in set sequence to decode complex imbalances. Then the causative meridian’s points can be tested to identify which needs adjustment. Simple vertebral subluxations can be muscle tested easily. For more complex subluxations the bone can be tugged in the corrective direction (tests strong) or tugged in the direction of imbalance (tests even weaker.) Muscle disorders can be identified by pressing on the target muscle or by touching the muscle’s regulatory points on the torso and cranium while testing for body weakness. Further specificity can be gained by spreading the fingers apart or pinching together along the muscle body; whichever one weakens the body indicates over-release or over-contraction of the muscle.

Anyone can practice muscle testing themselves by having a friend start by testing the normal strength of a large muscle group (commonly the lateral deltoid while standing) followed by testing while either person touches suspected imbalances. When the muscle tests weaker, you have found a point where some kind of attention would strengthen the entire organism. What kind of attention? That’s where experience, training, and artistry come into play — there are as many types of imbalance and adjustment as there are healthcare modalities.

As for muscle testing as a mystical practice, the same idea of the whole organism weakening under any increased stress or disorganization can be applied to asking simple yes/no questions. A true/yes/balancing answer tests strong while a false/no/imbalancing answer tests weak. This is more difficult to practice than the contact point testing, which works on everyone. Because the stress/disorganization comes from holding a question, but not its answer, in your mind, you have to be able to get out of the way enough to think about the question but let your body answer it for you — no easy task! Some personalities try very hard to control the outcome and can’t let their body/instinct/subconscious respond at all. Also, if you don’t trust the friend testing your strength, especially for revealing questions, you may find it very difficult to access your body’s truth. Again artistry and experience come into play as triangulating in on food allergies, long forgotten injuries, or herbal remedies by only asking yes/no questions can be a complex dance. If you ask a vague question, your body may respond to its own understanding of it, which may be quite different from your conscious understanding!

Some people can practice muscle testing on themselves. Others find it too difficult to hold the muscle being tested at a constant resistance, the limb doing the testing under willful control, and the mind in a relaxed, pass-through-conduit state but still concentrating on a question. Although I have met people who test by trying to break a circle of their index finger and thumb, I have never found that technique to work well at all. Our finger muscles are under our active conscious control so much of the time that it becomes difficult to relinquish that control to let the body speak through them. I prefer testing the large muscle of my iliopsoas by pressing down on the thigh of my lifted leg.

Asking your body or subconscious for answers to questions is always an act of supplication, never of domination. Be very, very careful asking questions using muscle testing because your deeper self can become quite resentful if it feels you are trying to steal goodies from its cookie jar. That’s dark magic, and it will burn you badly. I worked with health care professionals using applied kinesiology for many years before tentatively attempting to use it myself for similar contact point work. It was years after that that I cautiously began using it for questions about my body and its health. Any time I am unsure whether a question is in my body’s interest I ask, “Is it OK to ask you this question?” When I get a no response, I do not ask it, period.

To reinforce that point I will conclude with a paragraph from the previous post: We all have far more contact and connection with our strangely intelligent and willful bodies and psyches than we tend to recognize. Our bodies are continually monitoring and adjusting our blood pressure, glandular secretions, chemical imbalances, temperature, immune responses, etc., etc., etc. Our bodies know so much that never comes into our conscious awareness, and, if we can figure out how to respect them enough to communicate with them as equals, they are happy to share that information. The body truly is a temple, complete with oracle. Our bodies’ goals like health and survival may be very different from our personalities’ goals like wealth and power, and they will certainly not share their truth with us if we try to control and manipulate them. They may well lie to us if we try, even to their own detriment. Never try to harness a wild thing; content yourself to follow alongside it wherever it is going.

Christophe

Re: The mystical art of muscle testing

[syfen]

Thank you for the insight, is there a good introductory book on the subject you could recommend?

[(Anonymous)]

With the connection between physical culture and the occult, would practising each have helped the other? Or would it have meant less energy and will left for magical achievement? Because from the old photos it certainly wasn't their physiques that suffered. :)

[ecosophia]

There was a huge overlap back in the day between physical culture and occultism, and many people practiced both of them with good results. In my experience -- yes, I've worked with a range of physical culture exercises, and am still doing so -- they reinforce each other: vibrant physical health gives you more energy for magical working, and the more willpower you use, the more you have.

Do you have a particular physical culture system in mind to try out?

Archangel Raphael’s association with Air

[rationalist858]

Hello JMG. So I recently started practicing the LBRP and I’ve been wondering... Why is Raphael associated with Air, when the name Raphael means something like the “healing of God”? To me, healing seems like Water, not Air.

Re: Archangel Raphael’s association with Air

[ecosophia]

That's one of the classic traps beginners fall into. Don't try to understand the symbolism; simply let yourself work with it and absorb it by osmosis, and after a while you'll understand why this and other apparently odd bits of symbolism are what they are.

[(Anonymous)]

When you do divination, do you ever ask what actions will benefit your next life as well as this one?

[ecosophia]

That's not something I pursue by divination, but it's certainly an option.

[(Anonymous)]

Hi JMG,

What do you think about "Ancient Aliens" hypothesis? In relation to that question, how would you interpret legendary civilizer characters like Anunnaki in Mesopotamian mythology or "Watchers" in the Book of Enoch?

[ecosophia]

I read Erich von Däniken's Chariots of the Gods? when it first came out, and even then my take was that he was taking perfectly good mythology and decking it out in cheap science fiction drag. If the basic teachings of magic are correct, there are intelligent beings of various kinds who do not have physical bodies -- or at least whose bodies are not of the same kind of substance as ours -- but who can and do communicate with human beings under some circumstances. The usual term for those beings is "spirits." If spirits exist -- and my experience certainly suggests that they do -- there's no need to dress them up like astronauts and pretend that they come from other planets.

[(Anonymous)]

John--

My preferences aside, I am being directed to devote effort to delving into my psyche, examining unresolved issues, and the like. I've decided to ramp up my reading of Jung, but are there any occult tools or techniques which are particularly useful for this endeavor? I'm adopting my regular meditation practice accordingly, but thought there might be other avenues I could utilize as well.

Thank you.

--David BTL

[ecosophia]

One of the core practices of Jungian therapy is active imagination, which is the same thing that occultists call pathworking. You should certainly include that as part of your work, as it's a very good way to let repressed contents surface so you can deal with them. (If I recall correctly, Marie-Louise von Franz wrote a book on active imagination, which might be worth consulting.)

[(Anonymous)]

Dear JMG,

Is the text of Tao Te Ching amenable to interpretation from the point of Western occult philosophy? Would its stanzas be good themes for daily discursive meditation?

[ecosophia]

Yes and yes. Take it line by line, and you've got about a year of first-rate meditation themes.

Affirmations and pandemic protection

[(Anonymous)]

JMG, I’d like to ask a question, but it may be clearer if prefaced it with a story from Indian tradition – so here it goes.

One day a traditional healer saw a mysterious woman enter the village at dusk. As she came close to his house, he asked her who she was. “The goddess of cholera” was her reply. “Go about and do your business”, replied the healer, who then asked her, “how many of my village will you be taking?” The goddess said, “ten”. She continued to walk into the village. Soon after, cholera spread through the village, keeping the healer very busy. Eventually, one evening the healer saw the goddess leaving the village and he angrily accosted her: “You told me that you would take ten people of my village and fifty have died – why did you lie to me?” “I did not lie”, the goddess replied, “I took only ten… the other forty died of fear”.

At this time, it is, of course, important for all of us to walk the middle path between fear and foolhardiness regarding our health and the health of our communities/nations and take care of our physical and mental health. My question is: do you believe that an affirmation such as “I am healthy throughout the Covid-19 outbreak” would provide some useful additional protection from this virus?

On a related note, yesterday at 5 pm (local time), the entire country of India made a tremendous amount of noise (gongs, blowing of instruments, clapping, etc) at the request of Prime Minister Modi. The stated reason was to show support of the country's health workers who will have an up-hill battle in coming weeks. Vedic astrologers, however, noted that yesterday Mars entered Capricorn, where he is exalted, and traditionally the initial act of declaring war is the blowing of conches, banging of drums, etc. At this current time, Mars is the only planet who can challenge the supremacy of the lunar nodes Rahu and Ketu (dragon's head and dragon's tail, respectively)who are both strongly placed in their own nakshatras (lunar mansions) and are largely "blamed" for the current pandemic. There is every reason to believe that the Prime Minister has timed this declaration of war against Covid-19 based on the advice of vedic astrologers. Thought you might find this point interesting and perhaps worthy of comment.

Ron M

Re: Affirmations and pandemic protection

[(Anonymous)]

That's interesting. Sunday at 6 pm (local time) musicians in Germany where encouraged by the government to play "Ode to joy" out of Beethoven's 9th from their windows. I'm no astrologer, so I don't know if there is some significance. Could also be the symbolic last gasp of a failed megalomaniacal superstate project...

https://www.dw.com/de/mit-beethovens-ode-an-die-freude-gegen-die-coronakrise/a-52886153

[(Anonymous)]

I'm doing the SoP, facing south for the opening and closing, and have a question about the calling of the elements: I'm adding them in in the order given, but doing them in that order for the ritual would involve spinning around like crazy. Does it work if I do it starting from where I face to begin? So for me, fire, water, earth, air; for people facing east, air, fire, water, earth.

[(Anonymous)]

I think you missed this question. Given the number of questions you get, I think it's easy to do, but just thought I'd bring it to your attention.

Rank Beginner

[miz_bean]

Mr Greer, I'd like to ask your advice and that of other commenters who might have experienced a similar situation to what follows.

I am a lifelong atheist who has never felt any spiritual tug, and have been frankly contemptuous of those who claimed to have experienced the divine. As I get older and more fully realize how vanishingly tiny my knowledge really is, I find myself increasingly drawn to try to experience the vast and rich worlds you and others describe. I have your Druidry Handbook (unread) and Mystery Teachings from the Living Earth (which I read along with on Ecosophia), as well as several others of your occult books.

My dilemma is two-fold:
1. I expect to feel deeply foolish and self-conscious for a time in starting any spiritual practice. How should I handle that?

2a. The greater issue for me is my home. My husband was brought up a born-again Christian but has fallen far from those beliefs, and while he won't call himself an atheist, he has no kinship with any belief system. My influence was instrumental in that. I have no desire to open myself to his gaze unless and until I become strong in a new path.

2b. I have no space in my house I can retreat to each day. My husband works a rotating shift, meaning that the hours he is at home vary from day to day and week to week, and I no longer work a paying job. Further, our dynamic by and large is dominated by his needs. My character tends to denigrate and doubt my needs (if I can even identify them).

How do I move forward? I feel as though I'm suffocating just writing this.

Thank you so much.

Re: Rank Beginner

[robertmathiesen]

The answer will (IMHO) depend in part on how mutually respectful of one another and how open to one another you and your husband are. Can you talk over pretty much anything else together? If so, tell him what you just told us. His response may surprise you. Everyone does change over the decades of life, even one's husband, though it makes many people uncomfortable to acknowledge those natural changes. He, too, may be changing, and may not have known how to broach the subject of his own changes with you. He may even be changing in the same direction you are--that's a natural enough sort of change as one ages and draws ever nearer to one's own death. To paraphrase Samuel Johnson, "There is nothing that so focuses your mind as the certain knowledge and constant awareness that you will die much sooner than you like."

If not, if you are always somewhat cautions about opening up to one another about anything, then it might be easier to start by talking about being more open to one another in general with respect to change.

Or ... would even that *very clearly* be more than he could ever handle? Is he very rigid, and seems to hate to talk about anything at all profound, or to think that you and he might not agree on any point, however minor? Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells with him? Then you can try to implement the desired changes in your own life while "flying under the radar." With his schedule so variable, "under the radar" means your schedule of practices, too, will need to be equally variable.

If that seems too hard for now, you could try working to change the "energy" in the house that you share, without letting him know what you're doing. Since it's your house, too, you do not (IMHO) need his consent to work on the house's "energy" by occult means such as hoodoo floor washes and so forth. (See our host's many accounts of such things in previous posts.) Just doing occult cleansing work of that sort on your shared house will *inevitably* change him as well as you, whether he would go along with it or not. It might even lead eventually to more open commnunication between the two of you.

What may also help you a lot just now is keeping in view that the sort of things we talk about here often do not really require any sort of "belief" (in the religious or spiritual sense) at all. Do you have to "believe" that your hammer will work in order to drive a nail with it, or can you just start hammering and see what happens? Me, I just start hammering. Do you have to "believe" in all the nutritional science out there to cook a meal that you'll both enjoy and will be good for you both? I'd wager that you just start cooking dinner. A lot of the things we talk about here require no more belief than hammering a nail does, or cooking a meal.

But be cautious, and keep in mind that there may be a personal cost even so. There are marriages that can't take even the least of the strains that are naturally caused by each partner's variable growth in wisdom, love and knowledge over their years together. The things you are now interested in will definitely change you, even if you do nothing more than read about them steadily for a number of years. So please do weigh the risks and the benefits to yourself beforehand. You can minimize those risks, but nothing you (or anyone) could do would ever make them go completely away. Can you live with those risks? And also, can you go on living without taking those particular risks?

Best wishes as you wrestle with all this stuff--it is a very hard road to travel!