Related to my comment above (re: my brothers and dad), I was very distressed about the sword of damoclese over their heads about health and employment. I admit I went to spiritual war about it. I can't share details. But anyways they did survive, they did keep their jobs, and two of them didn't take the needle. But as soon as that was over, and they got to survive & keep their jobs, I got severely sick, the sickest I have ever been, with Covid, and felt like I was going to die. I got through it but it took me a very long time to recover.
I couldn't help feeling like it was a blow back for letting myself get so consumed and involved on a spiritual level. Alternately it could be stress weakened my immune system.
Another time there was an astrology thing that my dad was probably going to be in a serious car accident. I went to my spiritual practice for him. None of this with his knowledge, but my own personal belief system and feeling that this mattered a hell of a lot. Well, he didn't have an accident. Close calls, yes. Accident, no. But I had car issues, a flat tire, and some car related trauma at the same time. It was very frustrating. I felt that perhaps I had taken it on, albeit unintentionally, by interfering. And worth the cost if true, but unsettling all the same, as that was not my intention when trying to protect him. IDK.
I still can't quite sort out the different between "this just happened to me," versus "this happened to me because I felt the need to intervene spiritually for a family member no matter the cost for me." I don't know what's right about these things, but those were the choices I made. I make the best choices I can on my spiritual path, but sometimes it's a hard path.
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branchandroot
Re: The Epiphany (A reflection thread on pandemic choices)
Date: 2023-07-19 02:10 am (UTC)I couldn't help feeling like it was a blow back for letting myself get so consumed and involved on a spiritual level. Alternately it could be stress weakened my immune system.
Another time there was an astrology thing that my dad was probably going to be in a serious car accident. I went to my spiritual practice for him. None of this with his knowledge, but my own personal belief system and feeling that this mattered a hell of a lot. Well, he didn't have an accident. Close calls, yes. Accident, no. But I had car issues, a flat tire, and some car related trauma at the same time. It was very frustrating. I felt that perhaps I had taken it on, albeit unintentionally, by interfering. And worth the cost if true, but unsettling all the same, as that was not my intention when trying to protect him. IDK.
I still can't quite sort out the different between "this just happened to me," versus "this happened to me because I felt the need to intervene spiritually for a family member no matter the cost for me." I don't know what's right about these things, but those were the choices I made. I make the best choices I can on my spiritual path, but sometimes it's a hard path.