I have been doing a lot of journaling lately to try to uncover the reasons for my anxiety which apparently is not as new as I thought. I can now tell that when I get really anxious there is a train of thought that my mind is following throughout the day that eventually gets too big regarding where I want to take my life to and on facing situations that before I just didn't know very well that they existed. Now that it starts settling that I am by myself and have to face foreign situations and challenges I realize that I am very unsuited to those, probably given to my neurodivergence on one hand and on some areas where I am immature on the other.
To my understanding this is happening because some ideas or tracks in my mind are now heavily charged with emotion and have created a rut that pulls, so to speak, and is easy to fall back into and then it spins until it becomes anxiety. I understand what my anxiety is telling me (that I don't like many areas of my outer life and myself) but it is not like I can just get away and run from it, at least not with my dignity and possibilities, so following the urge of the anxiety is not a good idea because it makes fall into despair instead of action. I now have become a little better at catching myself and at relaxing my mind for a while, but the rut is still there. Do you think it is possible to use the emotional energy that I have put into an unbalanced fear of my situation and the state of the world into something that helps me change it in a balanced way? If we see it as an unintentional magical working for example, can I redirect the energy so that I use the desire to change my life productively instead of it creating anxiety by it following a different path or will I have to battle against it until the energy disperses?
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branchandroot
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Date: 2023-03-13 06:48 pm (UTC)I have been doing a lot of journaling lately to try to uncover the reasons for my anxiety which apparently is not as new as I thought. I can now tell that when I get really anxious there is a train of thought that my mind is following throughout the day that eventually gets too big regarding where I want to take my life to and on facing situations that before I just didn't know very well that they existed. Now that it starts settling that I am by myself and have to face foreign situations and challenges I realize that I am very unsuited to those, probably given to my neurodivergence on one hand and on some areas where I am immature on the other.
To my understanding this is happening because some ideas or tracks in my mind are now heavily charged with emotion and have created a rut that pulls, so to speak, and is easy to fall back into and then it spins until it becomes anxiety. I understand what my anxiety is telling me (that I don't like many areas of my outer life and myself) but it is not like I can just get away and run from it, at least not with my dignity and possibilities, so following the urge of the anxiety is not a good idea because it makes fall into despair instead of action. I now have become a little better at catching myself and at relaxing my mind for a while, but the rut is still there. Do you think it is possible to use the emotional energy that I have put into an unbalanced fear of my situation and the state of the world into something that helps me change it in a balanced way? If we see it as an unintentional magical working for example, can I redirect the energy so that I use the desire to change my life productively instead of it creating anxiety by it following a different path or will I have to battle against it until the energy disperses?