OK, so I made a silly wish a while back that may be plaguing my well-being today. I developed a health issue almost 3 years ago that was made worse by certain foods and drinks (had to give up sweets almost entirely, and donuts were my favorite). I was also a regular pot smoker but toking made the problem unbearable, and I gave it up for quite a while. I had a regular magical practice at the time, and worked really hard at it - 1-2 hours a day, every day, for two years. I kind of assumed that the magic drove the weed out of my life through a manifestation on the material plane.
Then one day, in exasperation, I said out loud that "I would gladly trade magic for weed and donuts." On a whim I tried the smoke again not long after that and found that it not only didn't hurt me, it actually helped soothe my problem! Suddenly so did tequila, which was the only alcohol I could tolerate at all. (I never went back to the donuts...sweets still hurt me.)
So I quit practicing magic, and drank tequila and smoked weed for a year or so instead. My problem would flare up by the end of work and smooth down as soon as I had a little of each. Terrible curse, right? ;)
But now I want to quit both, maybe for good, and go back to magical practice. I'm getting too old and too tired to keep it up, and of course there are better things to do with my time than get hazy every night. But every time I go to bed sober my problem flares up. Bad. It's like, I asked for this and now I can't get out of it.
Any thoughts on what might be done to release myself from such an own-goal? Many thanks in advance for your time.
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branchandroot
Undoing a bad deal?
Date: 2022-07-18 08:18 pm (UTC)OK, so I made a silly wish a while back that may be plaguing my well-being today. I developed a health issue almost 3 years ago that was made worse by certain foods and drinks (had to give up sweets almost entirely, and donuts were my favorite). I was also a regular pot smoker but toking made the problem unbearable, and I gave it up for quite a while. I had a regular magical practice at the time, and worked really hard at it - 1-2 hours a day, every day, for two years. I kind of assumed that the magic drove the weed out of my life through a manifestation on the material plane.
Then one day, in exasperation, I said out loud that "I would gladly trade magic for weed and donuts." On a whim I tried the smoke again not long after that and found that it not only didn't hurt me, it actually helped soothe my problem! Suddenly so did tequila, which was the only alcohol I could tolerate at all. (I never went back to the donuts...sweets still hurt me.)
So I quit practicing magic, and drank tequila and smoked weed for a year or so instead. My problem would flare up by the end of work and smooth down as soon as I had a little of each. Terrible curse, right? ;)
But now I want to quit both, maybe for good, and go back to magical practice. I'm getting too old and too tired to keep it up, and of course there are better things to do with my time than get hazy every night. But every time I go to bed sober my problem flares up. Bad. It's like, I asked for this and now I can't get out of it.
Any thoughts on what might be done to release myself from such an own-goal?
Many thanks in advance for your time.