You can always replace the words with asterisks. It's worth it -- not least because I'm sure NC will take it down the moment they get around to realizing that they're being mocked...
******* Celia February 28, 2022 at 5:55 pm Disclaimer: Stockholder in Pfizer
Haven’t used my car since “2 weeks to flatten the curve”…
But thanks to World War IlI, now I’m ready to drive again. Do not worry though, I am triple-vaxxed and I will still be wearing masks and doing curbside pickup only.
I awoke to a text from my anti-science brother in law telling me to suck his unvaccinated b****, and that usually means something terrible has happened. I ran over to my window and chills ran down my spine. Swarms of righteously-vaccinated citizens were running frantically through the streets, desperately looking for Safety™ and validation as the unvaccinated ruffians now had free reign over the city. Storefronts were no longer protected by teenagers demanding QR codes and suddenly no building was safe. I began sobbing and vomiting violently into my masks. I had a lot of vaccinated-only things to do today, but fascism has taken over my city.
Suddenly, a phone call from my pal Karl at the Soy Institute: “LAMBERT! PLEASE YOU GOTTA GET TO CITY HALL RIGHT NOW! ME AND THE FELLAS WERE PROTESTING FASCISM AND THE PLAGUE RATS HAVE US SURROUNDED! THEY’RE TAKING TIK TOKS OF US AND BREATHIN–..HEY GIVE ME BACK MY BULLHORN YOU FASCIST!! LISTEN I GOTTA GO GET MY BULLHORN BACK JUST PLZ BRO GET DOWN HE–click.”
My friends were in trouble. I hadn’t even had my morning vaccines or Remdesivir’d my p****, but I had to move fast. I kissed my Fauci (MBUH) poster (on the lips), put on my hazmat, and ran towards downtown. It was complete chaos in the streets. An angry mob had assembled outside of Starbucks demanding to be QR coded before they ordered their dingleberry frappuccinos and wrote things on their laptops. A hysterical woman stopped me in distress; “PLEASE SIR, PLEASE SCAN MY PHONE! TELL ME I’M A GOOD CITIZEN!” she pleaded. I wanted to help, but I had to find Karl. Her chilling screams for validation will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I rounded the corner towards City Hall and it was worse than I feared. Hundreds of disgusting plague rats – celebrating fascism and tauntingly walking in and out of stores as brave pfollowers of the science cowered in fear. “LAMBERT! OVER HERE!!” Karl shouted from an alleyway. I scurried over to him, holding my breath as I burrowed my way through the maskless counter-protesters. Karl’s masks were badly shredded and he held up a positive antigen test. I scampered back in terror. “Karl. No.”
I knew I had to get him boosted and stick things up his nose right away. I threw him over my shoulder and charged through the crowd. Suddenly, Neil Young thundered through the afternoon sky. The unvaxxed heathens scattered like the pathetic rats they are as an army of Soyota Tacomas seized the city. A brave, quadruple masked convoy man took Karl and drove him back to his house, where he can stew in sickness without treatment until he needs hospitalization. Phew.
There I lay in the bed of the Tacoma, gazing up at the afternoon sky. One of the clouds resembled our Prophet, Dr. Anthony Stephen Fauci (MBUH), and I felt his holy embrace. We will defeat fascism and nazis and other things that make the pandemic continue. Not in my city. I won’t stand for it. I won’t rest until everyone in my community is vaccinated and QR-coded. We’re gonna fight this legally.
Just wanted to raise awareness. Don’t let your cities turn into QR-codeless s***holes. Vaccines are safe and effective.
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branchandroot
Re: More cracks in the narrative
Date: 2022-03-01 04:38 am (UTC)*******
Celia
February 28, 2022 at 5:55 pm
Disclaimer: Stockholder in Pfizer
Haven’t used my car since “2 weeks to flatten the curve”…
But thanks to World War IlI, now I’m ready to drive again. Do not worry though, I am triple-vaxxed and I will still be wearing masks and doing curbside pickup only.
I awoke to a text from my anti-science brother in law telling me to suck his unvaccinated b****, and that usually means something terrible has happened. I ran over to my window and chills ran down my spine. Swarms of righteously-vaccinated citizens were running frantically through the streets, desperately looking for Safety™ and validation as the unvaccinated ruffians now had free reign over the city. Storefronts were no longer protected by teenagers demanding QR codes and suddenly no building was safe. I began sobbing and vomiting violently into my masks. I had a lot of vaccinated-only things to do today, but fascism has taken over my city.
Suddenly, a phone call from my pal Karl at the Soy Institute: “LAMBERT! PLEASE YOU GOTTA GET TO CITY HALL RIGHT NOW! ME AND THE FELLAS WERE PROTESTING FASCISM AND THE PLAGUE RATS HAVE US SURROUNDED! THEY’RE TAKING TIK TOKS OF US AND BREATHIN–..HEY GIVE ME BACK MY BULLHORN YOU FASCIST!! LISTEN I GOTTA GO GET MY BULLHORN BACK JUST PLZ BRO GET DOWN HE–click.”
My friends were in trouble. I hadn’t even had my morning vaccines or Remdesivir’d my p****, but I had to move fast. I kissed my Fauci (MBUH) poster (on the lips), put on my hazmat, and ran towards downtown. It was complete chaos in the streets. An angry mob had assembled outside of Starbucks demanding to be QR coded before they ordered their dingleberry frappuccinos and wrote things on their laptops. A hysterical woman stopped me in distress; “PLEASE SIR, PLEASE SCAN MY PHONE! TELL ME I’M A GOOD CITIZEN!” she pleaded. I wanted to help, but I had to find Karl. Her chilling screams for validation will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I rounded the corner towards City Hall and it was worse than I feared. Hundreds of disgusting plague rats – celebrating fascism and tauntingly walking in and out of stores as brave pfollowers of the science cowered in fear. “LAMBERT! OVER HERE!!” Karl shouted from an alleyway. I scurried over to him, holding my breath as I burrowed my way through the maskless counter-protesters. Karl’s masks were badly shredded and he held up a positive antigen test. I scampered back in terror. “Karl. No.”
I knew I had to get him boosted and stick things up his nose right away. I threw him over my shoulder and charged through the crowd. Suddenly, Neil Young thundered through the afternoon sky. The unvaxxed heathens scattered like the pathetic rats they are as an army of Soyota Tacomas seized the city. A brave, quadruple masked convoy man took Karl and drove him back to his house, where he can stew in sickness without treatment until he needs hospitalization. Phew.
There I lay in the bed of the Tacoma, gazing up at the afternoon sky. One of the clouds resembled our Prophet, Dr. Anthony Stephen Fauci (MBUH), and I felt his holy embrace. We will defeat fascism and nazis and other things that make the pandemic continue. Not in my city. I won’t stand for it. I won’t rest until everyone in my community is vaccinated and QR-coded. We’re gonna fight this legally.
Just wanted to raise awareness. Don’t let your cities turn into QR-codeless s***holes. Vaccines are safe and effective.