I had a discussion that got rather heated with a friend about the currant use of pronouns to support their chosen gender and the request that the rest of us use them too. While I don't doubt that some people may not feel right with the sex of their currant body I always felt that I was being gamed when this request was made of me and I came up with the solution of simply using their name to refer to them.
In the course of our discussion I had to call a halt as I was feeling more and more angry about this subject and it dawned on me that my reaction was somewhat over the top and indicated something that I was feeling deeply, but didn't know what it was.
I decided to meditate about this and started out thinking about the male and female energies as polarities on a continuum and that people just placed them selves on it as they felt them selves to be. Sometimes you can get a very strong impression that some one is the opposite gender from what their physical body presents and sometimes the impression so seamlessly matches the physical body you see that you don't notice. The word "gaydar" came to mind. I didn't think this was a problem for me, but while I was thinking of this the words "uncanny valley" popped into my head and I did a mental double take and wondered if that is what is what is really bothering me. Another thought I had was that there may be another component of someone expressing the opposite gender in their body that is sincere and one that isn't and perhaps that is the source of my "uncanny valley" feeling. More meditation is forthcoming.
If it is, I will have to come to terms with it, but I would like to ask if I might be accurate in my impression of these male and female energies and how they fit into bodies. And also if anyone else has encountered feelings of "uncanny valley".
If I have offended anyone with the above, I have meant no offense. I am trying to deal with this for the sake of my friendship with my asexual friend with whom I was having this discussion. This friend has always presented as female to me and I accept that asexual is what she feels, but maybe she is just being generous by accepting my use of "she" and I am being curmudgeonly when I tell her it feels just as respectful to use someone's name as some pronoun that doesn't seem to match to me.
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2023-04-24 12:12 pm (UTC)In the course of our discussion I had to call a halt as I was feeling more and more angry about this subject and it dawned on me that my reaction was somewhat over the top and indicated something that I was feeling deeply, but didn't know what it was.
I decided to meditate about this and started out thinking about the male and female energies as polarities on a continuum and that people just placed them selves on it as they felt them selves to be. Sometimes you can get a very strong impression that some one is the opposite gender from what their physical body presents and sometimes the impression so seamlessly matches the physical body you see that you don't notice. The word "gaydar" came to mind. I didn't think this was a problem for me, but while I was thinking of this the words "uncanny valley" popped into my head and I did a mental double take and wondered if that is what is what is really bothering me. Another thought I had was that there may be another component of someone expressing the opposite gender in their body that is sincere and one that isn't and perhaps that is the source of my "uncanny valley" feeling. More meditation is forthcoming.
If it is, I will have to come to terms with it, but I would like to ask if I might be accurate in my impression of these male and female energies and how they fit into bodies. And also if anyone else has encountered feelings of "uncanny valley".
If I have offended anyone with the above, I have meant no offense. I am trying to deal with this for the sake of my friendship with my asexual friend with whom I was having this discussion. This friend has always presented as female to me and I accept that asexual is what she feels, but maybe she is just being generous by accepting my use of "she" and I am being curmudgeonly when I tell her it feels just as respectful to use someone's name as some pronoun that doesn't seem to match to me.
Thanks for your consideration.