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Open (More or Less) Post on Covid 66
As we proceed through the second year of these open posts, it's pretty clear that the official narrative is cracking as the toll of deaths and injuries from the Covid vaccines rises steadily and the vaccines themselves demonstrate their total uselesness at preventing Covid infection or transmission. It's still important to keep watch over the mis-, mal- and nonfeasance of our self-proclaimed health gruppenfuehrers, and the disastrous results of the Covid mania, but I think it's also time to begin thinking about what might be possible as the existing medical industry reels under the impact of its own self-inflicted injuries. So it's time for another open post. The rules are the same as before:
1. If you plan on parroting the party line of the medical industry and its paid shills, please go away. This is a place for people to talk openly, honestly, and freely about their concerns that the party line in question is dangerously flawed and that actions being pushed by the medical industry et al. are causing injury and death. It is not a place for you to dismiss those concerns. Anyone who wants to hear the official story and the arguments in favor of it can find those on hundreds of thousands of websites.
2. If you plan on insisting that the current situation is the result of a deliberate plot by some villainous group of people or other, please go away. There are tens of thousands of websites currently rehashing various conspiracy theories about the Covid-19 outbreak and the vaccines. This is not one of them. What we're exploring is the likelihood that what's going on is the product of the same arrogance, incompetence, and corruption that the medical industry and its tame politicians have displayed so abundantly in recent decades. That possibility deserves a space of its own for discussion, and that's what we're doing here.
3. If you plan on using rent-a-troll derailing or disruption tactics, please go away. I'm quite familiar with the standard tactics used by troll farms to disrupt online forums, and am ready, willing, and able -- and in fact quite eager -- to ban people permanently for engaging in them here. Oh, and I also lurk on other Covid-19 vaccine skeptic blogs, so I'm likely to notice when the same posts are showing up on more than one venue.
4. If you don't believe in treating people with common courtesy, please go away. I have, and enforce, a strict courtesy policy on my blogs and online forums, and this is no exception. The sort of schoolyard bullying that takes place on so many other internet forums will get you deleted and banned here. Also, please don't drag in current quarrels about sex, race, religious, etc. No, I don't care if you disagree with that: my journal, my rules.
With that said, the floor is open for discussion.
Belated response to MARK...
(Anonymous) 2022-11-09 01:19 am (UTC)(link)i wasn't being defensive about my emotionalism, i just didn't want to be the ...what's the word?... the designated "Emotional One." designated. transactional analysis worked for me most when i was confused and overtaken by emotions, and one of the things i remembered was that i was the designated train wreck. that was my role, my shtick.
so i didn't want that to me MY area, and implied in that is that all others are the RATIONAL or yes---blocked or disconnected people. rational. ha!
and while we're re-evaluating our assumptions, beliefs, and habits, i'm saying we're ALL a little bit country and we're ALL a little bit rock n' roll, ya dig?
from there, i - we all- see how EMOTIONAL you actually are-- full of LOVE and connection you are. maybe it wanted to be leaky messy frizzy, but we're all products of this society at this time. we're all cheated by the unfettered soul myth or fantasy.
someone insinuated that you'd re-channeled re-directed all that emotion into other areas. yes! exactly.
and as far as men being repressed or whatever you said, i'm confused and will seem unclear here because i thought that about men too, along with a ton of other things, that turned out to be wrong. especially now in the era of Sheridan's and Violet Cabra's "Devouring Mother."
you're not ALLOWED your deepest romantic (in all ways) expressions. so y'all tend to tip really way and take a lot of things on the chin, but are comfortable doing the sweetest things on the low, while us women (and men who act like us) are publicly yelling about how GREAT and GOOD and LOVING we are. (liberals now)
when you tilt your head a certain way, you see just how DEEP and profoundly expansive men's love can be. i'm not gonna do the habitual "balancing out" by trashing men after that statement. notice it's expected, though. no free compliments to men. they might start feeling themselves.
good!
anyhow, that's what i see of men and of YOU here. i don't have to KNOW you any further.
that said:
i HEAR you that YOU FEEL DISCONNECTED EMOTIONALLY.
good. that's something you can mess with just like Murmuration is, in order to get over that feeling.
and like St. Catherine Alexandria, you're opening yourself up to new possibilities for expression or reactions within YOURSELF, and i find this all exciting and inevitable.
i hope i'm making sense. i've been "writing" a response for a couple of days. like with St. Catherine Alexandria, i have nothing to "tell" you, only PROMPT YOU.
i'm saying you come from sensitives (your ma) and ARE one. you love the birds you can scale the tedious data and bring it to us who don't understand or find it all so tedious.
now that the world as it was is ending, you can push into new ways of no longer being disconnected now that you notice it and find it uncomfortable. i stammer because i'm still re-arranging my old assumptions about myself in this world. they sneak up on me, you know?
but the world is different now, and in the upside downness of everything, i'm the rational one compared to these emotional freakouts of the so-called rational normals.
i'm not really saying anything here. i'm stammering in type. but i don't want you to defend yourself or shake off this conversation. i wanna pick up on you feeling disconnected emotionally because you are important here to all this and men always take it on the chin. no more!
so cut yourself slack for being emotionally disconnected. even as "emotional" as i seem, it's self-indulgent because IT'S HERE. this is all performance even as it's real.
it fits with what you also said about trying to have an eco meet up that devolved into wanting to talk about more IDEAS and how to get them out there.
that's like WRITING and talking about WRITING for me. where's the DOING???
so little DOING. that's why i wanna do a craft fair or some REASON to meet up instead of just blabbing about "what to DO?"
I was talking about this with James. same here in SF. we used to meet up locally and grow relationships.
we're all socially retarded... ANXIOUS. that's the bedrock of all THIS and WHY THIS: we're all anxious.
i'm almost done re-reading Mattias Desmet's book, and am now more confused than EVER. because i didn't realize how much the world had changed and so many were on anxiety meds. i had NO IDEA.
i remember going to costco awhile back and the woman at the register suddenly looked like she'd been punctured and the air had been let out. i gasped and asked, "ARE YOU OKAY???"
she smiled through half lidded eyes and said, "my meds just kicked in."
how can anyone NOT be emotionally detached in this world? you've done amazingly well to have stayed as connected as you HAVE. see what i mean about coming out ahead of where you thought you were?
i've no answers. i'm new here, too.
i just see things a little differently than most people and hope that there's something you can use in this to cut yourself some slack as you do struggle to find creative ways to be more emotionally connected.
see, you might be surprised to find that you're waaaay more able to be connected than most of these folks walking the earth right now because you're also alive in your writings here.
maybe this is all mashed potato nothing but i just didn't want you to be blown off. you men tend to blow your own needs off. i've said before that men now remind me of timid women in the '70s before all those feminist consciousness raising groups. back when feminism was about MEN being emancipated from the shtick, too.
you all came out short in all this. so i just didn't want you to excuse yourself so fast after all you've given here.
thank you for YOUR service!
xxxxx
erika
Re: Belated response to MARK...
(Anonymous) 2022-11-09 12:50 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Belated response to MARK...
(Anonymous) 2022-11-09 03:54 pm (UTC)(link)Fuchsia Exasperating Griffin
Re: Belated response to MARK...
(Anonymous) 2022-11-09 07:36 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Belated response to MARK...
(Anonymous) 2022-11-14 07:09 pm (UTC)(link)Fuchsia Exasperating Griffin,
YES. this is the infantile tantrum i'm talking about in the west. hip hop wasn't a tantrum as much as NOT ASKING FOR PERMISSION. punk seemed to be disgruntled disillusioned suburbanite kids, whereas hip hop was po' city kids just doing their own thang.
(i've got both in me and respond to both)
it's all different now, of course. it's all childish tantrums and GIVE ME/YOU OWE ME.
erika
Re: Belated response to MARK...
Thanks for the pep talk-counseling session-stream of consciousness reflections :-).
It had not occurred to me to question the story of male emotional repression. As in - what if the painful transition from sensitive crying little boy to comparatively stoic and detached man (amidst some serious bullying and family separation) doesn't represent trauma in need of healing but just a stage of growth? Maybe the current fad of "identity validation" and victimhood and focus on "microaggression" offenses and emotionality is childish in a sense, and it would be better if more people could cultivate a sense of detachment?
Anyway, I am certainly not emotionally "dead" like many of the people on meds of all types. I can be big-picture detached but when it comes to meaningful interactions with individuals I am very much emotionally present. So much so that I simply can't imagine the polyamory and casual sex that seems so common these days - that would quickly overwhelm my emotional circuits.
If I'm struggling a bit at the moment, I'm searching for a new identity of sorts. My work the last few years has been all solitary craftsmanship - not so different from art - but after sending over 100 of my designs out into the world I've grown weary of it and am ready to set it free: handing it off to a manufacturer who will continue to build them. It feels like transitioning from being a writer who also makes the paper from scratch and prints the pages and binds the books to being more of an author with a publisher, so it should be a positive transition but it means I will see a smaller share of the dollars and also will need to figure out what to do with my time.
I'm not sure yet what is next for me - I want it to be DOING but also more as part of a team or community.
I think that in creating community I need to let go of a particular fragile and comparative identity I have constructed for myself that tends to shape my social interactions and to give me a particular role/status that is valued but also "apart from" in a way (https://dendroica.substack.com/p/stories-of-being) - and I think if you read my reflections you will see that I have brought that identity HERE as well.
My father was a preacher and a lifelong truth-seeker, and it seemed like he could only form solid connections with people that shared his evolving philosophy - a number that trended from hundreds eventually toward zero as he moved from his Catholic roots toward more esoteric approaches guided by my mother's sensitivities.
I see a similar thing happening here with my waking up from the covid story and the blue team narrative matrix, but not feeling particularly in sync with the red team matrix either. It's why I push back against comments arguing against maintaining relationships with those who believed the "wrong" story. I think there is a need for reckoning and accountability especially at the higher levels, but I want to avoid falling into the trap of identifying people AS their mask-wearing or irrational covid beliefs or political ideas and instead seeing their passions and hobbies and love for their families and gardens and delicious meals and the spark of life inside each.
Love thy neighbor as thyself, Jesus once said. So even as I aspire to find more of a like-minded community I also want to let go of that part of my identity that wants to see my ideas and beliefs validated in order to feel connection to others - which then greatly expands the pool of people with whom I can feel meaningful connection. I think you, Erika, are very good at this in your daily interactions with people - at least as you describe them. It's not a "turning the other cheek" to allow people to hurt me but a refusing to categorize them as not-worthy-of-respect based on some action or belief of theirs.
Much to think about. Thank you for being here!
Mark
Re: Belated response to MARK...
(Anonymous) 2022-11-10 10:18 am (UTC)(link)