I posted this satirical "news article" I wrote on our society's preoccupation with safety before, but it was a year or so ago so here it is again. Safety is a real, important concern in life but like anything else can be taken too far. This scenario is meant to be over-the-top absurd, but I'd say it's just the trends we're seeing now taken to their logical extreme.
Upon first impression, Randall Raef may not seem like someone who will revolutionize the world, but if you allow this professor at Etaroproc University to give you a tour of his Machines, your view of the future will never be the same again. Over the past decade, Raef has been creating our future, a safe future in which all the dangers that most of us consider part of ordinary life are eliminated.
Raef has three Machines completed and fully inhabited, and five more in the building process. Each completed Machine looks from the outside to be just a huge box of a metal building, without any windows. Inside, most of the space is taken up by thousands of rooms, each of which is a home for one person. Once settled in such a highly sanitized room, each person never has to leave again. The spaces in the Machines that are not inhabited by people are used by robots to deliver the people everything they need, and remove their waste. The rooms are all outfitted with the latest in digital technology which allows everyone to communicate with each other without leaving their rooms. Everyone is equipped to be able to work remotely, and any items they may need for their work are delivered to their room. The rooms are securely locked so nobody can get out and endanger themselves or others.
The initial Machines that Raef has built are occupied either by prisoners or volunteers that have generally come from homeless communities, however Raef now plans to advertise them to get more and more people to move in. Once there is a critical mass on Machines built, Raef indicated that he has contacts in the government and the media that will use all their influence to persuade people to resettle to the safety of Machines. “Eventually”, Raef says, “Our plan is for everyone to be required to live in Machines.” For now, he admits, there will still have to be some people who work outside of a machine as robotics technology isn’t advanced enough yet to replace all that humans need to do in the world at large. “There will be essential workers that will still need to leave their rooms to get certain jobs done,” he says, “but they can still be settled in machines for the rest of their lives, and only be allowed out to work in strictly supervised situations.”
Raef plans to be able to strictly control population in his world of Machines because artificial insemination will be the only form of reproduction and fetuses will develop in labs. “There’s no way sex or any form of human contact can be completely safe, nor pregnancy either” he says, “Besides, this way we can have exactly the right population to fill the machines.” Babies will be raised in their own rooms by robots that won’t make the sort of mistakes that parents can endanger their child with, and anyone who really wants to interact with babies can do it over video chat.
Raef admits there have been some challenges with the first three Machines. Some occupants have resisted, a few have found ways out and destroyed infrastructure or even in one case, found and attacked Raef himself. Others have found ways to commit suicide inside their rooms. Raef is working on these issues. “Locks have been improved to the point that nobody has escaped in the last year. Rooms have been padded, and items that have serious potential to be used for self-harm have been eliminated. We’re determined that anyone living in Machines will have completely safe lives, which includes being safe from one’s self,” he stated. He even is testing out putting some people in straitjackets if they don’t need the full use of their arms for their work. When asked why people have behaved in such ways, he seems both angry and a bit mystified. “I’ve dedicated my life to giving these people the ideal life, safe from harm,” he says, “A lot of people are just ungrateful for all the work I have done to help them. People act against their own interests all the time.” “These people are not qualified to make the best decisions for themselves,” he insists. “My education and experience has given me the skills to save the world, and I won’t let idiots who are too stupid to care for themselves tear down the new world we’re building.”
Raef himself lives in a mansion in the hills that overlook San Francisco Bay. When asked whether he plans to move into a machine himself ever, he replies, "My own job of overseeing the construction and development of the Machines requires me to be mobile. I have to put myself at risk to create a world where others are safe. One day I may get the privilege of retiring to a Machine, but for now I have to stay where I am even if it means my own safety is compromised."
Occupants of Raef’s Machines have also gone into a rage over some of the conditions he has provided for them. Several times, people have been upset over the food they are receiving. Raef’s response to that is “All the food I’m giving them has been scientifically proven to be the most nutritious diet available, they should be thankful they get the benefit of world-class nutritionists who care about their needs.” Since occupants of the machines can only communicate with others and get information through technology that Raef controls, he can keep any unrest from getting too out of hand by censoring anything that he considers misinformation. Still, he’s concerned that some of the issues he’s had have come from outside agitators. “I think hackers from Russia must be finding a way to get through to some of the occupants of my Machines. Why else would there be discontent in what’s the most perfect world created so far on our planet?” he theorizes. “Many people have even claimed they’re suffering strange illnesses, even though they are just the touch of a screen away from some of the best medical care in the world. What else could explain that but influence from outside agitators leading to psychosomatic disease?” he added.
Raef did eventually acknowledge that it’s possible that some people really do desire to be outside, have contact with others, and do things that can’t be done in a room with even the best of technology. His advice to anyone who feels this way is not to oppose the Machines but to embrace advances in bionic technology. “Let’s face it,” he says, “living our lives the way we have been is horribly unsafe.” “Once we have everyone safely inside Machines, we can put all our energy as a society into replacing our biological parts with bionic ones. Once we have eliminated biology in ourselves and eventually in the larger world, it will be safe to come out of our rooms again. This is the way forward if we want to get out of our rooms, resisting the coming of the Machines is what backward idiots do.”
Raef recommends anyone that’s interested in a safe future who has any money to spare consider contributing to his charity MACS (Make America Completely Safe). MACS will spend your donations toward building and perfecting Machines as well as bionics research.
Re: Marathon Man
Upon first impression, Randall Raef may not seem like someone who will revolutionize the world, but if you allow this professor at Etaroproc University to give you a tour of his Machines, your view of the future
will never be the same again. Over the past decade, Raef has been creating our future, a safe future in which all the dangers that most of us consider part of ordinary life are eliminated.
Raef has three Machines completed and fully inhabited, and five more in the building process. Each completed Machine looks from the outside to be just a huge box of a metal building, without any windows.
Inside, most of the space is taken up by thousands of rooms, each of which is a home for one person. Once settled in such a highly sanitized room, each person never has to leave again. The spaces in
the Machines that are not inhabited by people are used by robots to deliver the people everything they need, and remove their waste. The rooms are all outfitted with the latest in digital technology which
allows everyone to communicate with each other without leaving their rooms. Everyone is equipped to be able to work remotely, and any items they may need for their work are delivered to their room. The rooms
are securely locked so nobody can get out and endanger themselves or others.
The initial Machines that Raef has built are occupied either by prisoners or volunteers that have generally come from homeless communities, however Raef now plans to advertise them to get more and
more people to move in. Once there is a critical mass on Machines built, Raef indicated that he has contacts in the government and the media that will use all their influence to persuade people to resettle
to the safety of Machines. “Eventually”, Raef says, “Our plan is for everyone to be required to live in Machines.” For now, he admits, there will still have to be some people who work outside of a machine
as robotics technology isn’t advanced enough yet to replace all that humans need to do in the world at large. “There will be essential workers that will still need to leave their rooms to get certain jobs
done,” he says, “but they can still be settled in machines for the rest of their lives, and only be allowed out to work in strictly supervised situations.”
Raef plans to be able to strictly control population in his world of Machines because artificial insemination will be the only form of reproduction and fetuses will develop in labs. “There’s no way sex or any form of human contact can be completely safe, nor pregnancy either” he says, “Besides, this way we can have exactly the right population to fill the machines.” Babies will be raised in their own
rooms by robots that won’t make the sort of mistakes that parents can endanger their child with, and anyone who really wants to interact with babies can do it over video chat.
Raef admits there have been some challenges with the first three Machines. Some occupants have resisted, a few have found ways out and destroyed infrastructure or even in one case, found and attacked Raef
himself. Others have found ways to commit suicide inside their rooms. Raef is working on these issues. “Locks have been improved to the point that nobody has escaped in the last year. Rooms have been
padded, and items that have serious potential to be used for self-harm have been eliminated. We’re determined that anyone living in Machines will have completely safe lives, which includes being safe from one’s self,” he stated. He even is testing out putting some people in straitjackets if they don’t need the full use of their arms for their work. When asked why people have behaved in such ways, he seems both
angry and a bit mystified. “I’ve dedicated my life to giving these people the ideal life, safe from harm,” he says, “A lot of people are just ungrateful for all the work I have done to help them. People act
against their own interests all the time.” “These people are not qualified to make the best decisions for themselves,” he insists. “My education and experience has given me the skills to save the world,
and I won’t let idiots who are too stupid to care for themselves tear down the new world we’re building.”
Raef himself lives in a mansion in the hills that overlook San Francisco Bay. When asked whether he plans to move into a machine himself ever, he replies, "My own job of overseeing the construction and development of the Machines requires me to be mobile. I have to put myself at risk to create a world where others are safe. One day I may get the privilege of retiring to a Machine, but for now I have to
stay where I am even if it means my own safety is compromised."
Occupants of Raef’s Machines have also gone into a rage over some of the conditions he has provided for them. Several times, people have been upset over the food they are receiving. Raef’s response to that
is “All the food I’m giving them has been scientifically proven to be the most nutritious diet available, they should be thankful they get the benefit of world-class nutritionists who care about their needs.”
Since occupants of the machines can only communicate with others and get information through technology that Raef controls, he can keep any unrest from getting too out of hand by censoring anything that he
considers misinformation. Still, he’s concerned that some of the issues he’s had have come from outside agitators. “I think hackers from Russia must be finding a way to get through to some of the
occupants of my Machines. Why else would there be discontent in what’s the most perfect world created so far on our planet?” he theorizes. “Many people have even claimed they’re suffering strange illnesses,
even though they are just the touch of a screen away from some of the best medical care in the world. What else could explain that but influence from outside agitators leading to psychosomatic disease?” he
added.
Raef did eventually acknowledge that it’s possible that some people really do desire to be outside, have contact with others, and do things that can’t be done in a room with even the best of technology.
His advice to anyone who feels this way is not to oppose the Machines but to embrace advances in bionic technology. “Let’s face it,” he says, “living our lives the way we have been is horribly unsafe.”
“Once we have everyone safely inside Machines, we can put all our energy as a society into replacing our biological parts with bionic ones. Once we have eliminated biology in ourselves and eventually in
the larger world, it will be safe to come out of our rooms again. This is the way forward if we want to get out of our rooms, resisting the coming of the Machines is what backward idiots do.”
Raef recommends anyone that’s interested in a safe future who has any money to spare consider contributing to his charity MACS (Make America Completely Safe). MACS will spend your donations toward building and perfecting Machines as well as bionics research.