Okay, first of all, it's not a crazy thought. Plenty of people have done that kind of dumb thing in a previous life.
Second, bad karma doesn't take you away from spirituality. Quite the contrary, getting into spirituality very often means that you have to deal with a bunch of bad karma -- it's called "karmic culmination," and basically amounts to clearing the decks in a hurry so that you can make the most of the spiritual practices you've taken up.
Third, you can't soften it. What you can do is accept your karma and deal with the consequences as cheerfully as you can, no matter how miserable it gets. When it's coming at you fast and thick, that means you're clearing it away and you can look forward to better days and lives to come.
Re: How can I soften this a bit
Second, bad karma doesn't take you away from spirituality. Quite the contrary, getting into spirituality very often means that you have to deal with a bunch of bad karma -- it's called "karmic culmination," and basically amounts to clearing the decks in a hurry so that you can make the most of the spiritual practices you've taken up.
Third, you can't soften it. What you can do is accept your karma and deal with the consequences as cheerfully as you can, no matter how miserable it gets. When it's coming at you fast and thick, that means you're clearing it away and you can look forward to better days and lives to come.