unconscious change

Date: 2018-12-03 01:22 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
(From Myriam)

Your knowledge about all things occult being as vast as it is, you might have encountered something I am experiencing and I would appreciate any thoughts you may have on my question. Is it possible to do the work necessary to experience change in consciousness without being consciously aware of it? Both doing the work itself and the resulting change in consciousness, I mean.

Some background: You may recall that when I first began several years ago, I had a period of very intense dream teaching which I was aware of but mostly didn't remember very well other than a few very vivid experiences. The teacher was relentless, and pushed me harder than I could absorb, and although the teaching spilled over in waking life (books came my way, people said things, etc.) the teaching was through the dreams.

I spook really easily, and asked that nothing weird happened in waking life or I would bolt screaming for the exits. The teacher(s) obliged and other than a couple of encounters with other beings, was safe and fine. The SOP kept everything at bay.

Now, I very rarely remember my dreams, though every once in a while wake up in the middle of a dream I'm not aware of, saying some version of “Oh, I understand now, yes, I get it.” and I fleetingly know what it's about, go back to sleep and don't remember anything in the morning other than that I had experienced another teaching moment and some part of me understood but it was beyond me to know what it was about.

I stopped the SOP and everything but divination a few months ago because there is simply too much going on in my life right now (including not having the space to walk in a circle -long story) and I was going to crack. However, I get the impression that the work continues in my sleep life, beyond my awareness, and think I am changing, like a caterpillar in a chrysalis, except that I am not aware of what or how I'm changing. I get glimpses of it in situations, and surprise myself at how well I handle it, and wonder where the grace and wisdom comes from, because it's not from me. It's as though something other than the old Myriam came through at that point, which has me wondering.

It's as though the conscious Myriam part was by-passed in the teachings, and something inside is growing in (I'm not sure what the word is...power? Knowledge? Wisdom? Not quite that, something else. A being? A will?) When I do the SOP if I get a chance, I experience a sudden surge of power that is much stronger than when I do it daily, and it feels like an ecstatic meeting again of something I fiercely love, and there is a rush of something or someone meeting me back. Like a coming home. And I haven't even gotten to the point where I can do the complete SOP. The pace has been glacial and constantly interrupted.

Is it possible that the work continues despite the conscious Myriam part not putting in the daily work but another part pursuing this anyway, at a level beyond the conscious, beyond the astral even? Is there another way of pursuing the work that is not the usual ritual-meditation-divination combo, that you have experienced or heard of? I will begin again as life permits to do the SOP and meditation, and will continue where I left off, but I know it won't be in the same place I was. I'm wondering also if you know of cases where something like this happened and finally did break through to the conscious part, with a sudden and drastic change happening at once in the life of the person who experienced it. I can say that I feel as though the core of me is not the same as it was, or perhaps, my experiencing of the core that is me has changed.

Your thoughts, as always, are much appreciated.
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